Our Journey #13

November 18, 2012

Sometimes when I pray, my words run out...does that ever happen to you?   I mean, it seems that my vocabulary just isn't adequate enough to express what's in my heart.  This morning was one of those mornings.   Today is Sunday and Jeff has been very sick since Thursday night.  Let me back up a bit...Thursday, on the way home from his radiation treatment, he began feeling awful.   By Thursday night he was running a fever and had chills.   Fevers are not good for cancer patients, so I called his oncologist.   His oncologist called in an antibiotic for him and shortly after taking it, his fever broke...but then began the nausea.   Fast forward to today...he's still very sick.   I drove him to his radiation appointment at the crack of dawn, and he was so sick the whole way there.   When we made it back to the church, he went straight to his office and laid down. 

Those of you who know Jeff know that this means he is very sick.  We've been married 23 years and I've NEVER seen him do this.   So I go on into praise team rehersal and then into our pre-service prayer time.   I sat there and prayed for Jeff and for him to have the strength to preach, but honestly I was struggling to reign in my thoughts.   I found myself becoming very frustrated.  Frustrated with myself for not being able to think straight.  Frustrated with others for whining or not being dedicated, or having their own agenda or well, I really didn't need a reason...just frustrated.  I even found myself frustrated with God.   

So back to my prayer time.  When I found that I couldn't concentrate, I did what I always do...I said, "OK, God, guess you'll have to talk to me."  I pulled up Youversion on my phone and began reading in John 14.    "Do not let your hearts be troubled.  Trust in God' trust also in me." verse 1.   I read through the whole chapter and again, toward the end of the chapter, a verse caught my attention.  "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you.  I do not give to you as the world gives.  Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." verse 27.  There it was again!   It was almost as if the words (or rather one word) was leaping off the page at me.   The word LET.   Another word for let is allow or permit.   It implies that I have control over my thought life.   "Do not let"...that means He's commanding me to command my heart!  Do not "let", "allow", "permit" your heart (to) be troubled. Trust in God.   Do not be afraid.

Suddenly, I realized that I had a choice to make.   I could continue to be frustrated, upset, TROUBLED...or I could command my heart to get in line with God's word.   I could command my heart to TRUST GOD.   I could command my heart to NOT BE AFRAID.   I could command my heart to stop being troubled.   The choice was mine.   I began to worship my God and one by one, my troubles began to fade.

I wish I could tell you that Jeff started feeling better.   He didn't.  In fact, he is worse tonight.  He missed the evening service...something he never does.   Everytime I look at him, my heart vies for control again.  It says, be afraid.   It says, don't trust.   It says, be frustrated.   But, what I learned this morning is that the choice is mine...do not LET your hearts be troubled!   

I'm not the sharpest crayon in the box, but I know when God speaks to me...this morning He spoke to me.   So tonight, although my husband lies in our bed and is sicker than I've ever seen him, I will NOT LET my heart be troubled.    Although I am at my wits end, wanting to help him but utterly helpless as to what I can do, I will NOT LET my heart be troubled.   Although people fail to live up to my expectations, I will NOT LET my heart be troubled.   Although friends forsake me, I will NOT LET my heart be troubled.   Although God's time table, doesn't line up with mine,  I will NOT LET my heart be troubled.   And when I disappoint myself...I will NOT LET my heart be troubled.   

My God is trustworthy...so I WILL trust Him.  Period.  End of Sentence.  This song came to mind, so I thought I'd just share the lyrics with you as I close.

"Turn your eyes upon Jesus.

Look full in his wonderful face.

And the things of earth will grow strangely dim

In the light of His glory and grace."

STOP LOOKING AT YOUR PROBLEM...LOOK AT THE PROBLEM SOLVER...AND DO NOT LET YOUR HEART BE TROUBLED!

Our Journey #12

November 8, 2012

If I have learned anything during our battle with cancer, its this...expect change.  Expect a change of emotions.  Expect a change of treatment. Expect a change in your schedule.  Expect a change in your lifestyle.  Expect a change in your priorities.  Expect a change of perspective.   Everything is about to change.  

The fair is in town and this week has been an emotional rollercoaster for me.  Highs, lows and fast curves, it feels like.  To be honest, I've always be more of a Merry-Go-Round kinda girl!   It started Monday with trip to the chemo dr and a chemo treatment.   I happened to mention a little cough to him and poof...xray!  Jeff had just endured 2 hrs of chemo and was ready for lunch...he was not happy with me and my big mouth.   Tuesday, he had to return to get a shot to boost his white blood cells...and the nurse tells him that it will make him feel "fluish" for 24 hours.  Great!   She also gave him the results from the xray...the mass in his lung was still there and "similar in size".  Double great (dripping with sarcasm!)   Wednesday, her words were proven true as he felt terrible all day.  He preached Wednesday night sitting down and it was obvious he felt bad.   Today was our scheduled meeting with the radiation oncologist and rescan day.   

Now, I have to tell you that when I read those xray results on Tuesday, it took my breath away.   We've been praying for the tumor to diminish or just be gone and we have believed God for the impossible.   So, I did the only thing I knew to do...I took it to the Lord and I called on some of my prayer warriors to do the same.  We began to pray for God to touch Jeff and change those results.   Yesterday, during one of his naps, I was praying over him.  I found myself begging God to spare him.  To just touch him...I believe that is all it would take...just like the woman with the issue of blood, if we could just touch the hem of his garment.   I felt in my spirit God asking me if I really believed that He would heal him.  I replied, yes.   Again, He asked me if I believed Him...again, I replied yes, I believe.   A third time He asked me the same question and for the third time my reply was yes (although I was beginning to wonder if maybe I didn't believe and that was why I was being asked 3 times).  Suddenly I heard the words in my spirit...Well then, BELIEVE!   So I purposed that I would do just that.   I would believe God for his healing touch on Jeff.   I would believe God for hope.   I would believe God, not because I have great faith, but because He is faithful.

This morning we started out and barely spoke on the way to the doctors office.    They came in and called him back...I would need to wait in the waiting room for this one.   I sat there and buried myself in God's word.   It was the only place I felt safe.   I read how God delivered David from the enemy's hand again and again.   Even when he was as close as a breath, and his entourage outnumbered David's...God did the impossible and delivered him.   I began to ask God for hope...I specifically asked that it not be a false hope, but that if God intended to bring us through this to give us some hope.   Soon, Jeff reappeared and motioned for us to go.   We walked silently to the parking lot...I was afraid to ask how it went.    Finally, I mustered an ounce of courage and asked.   Well, wouldn't you know it, the tumor has diminished by atleast 20-30% and it appears that it could be a little more from certain angles.   Radiation treatments begin on Wednesday.    HOPE!   Didn't I just ask for that?   Why did it suprise me so much?   Oh me of little faith!   

Ok, so that was good news, right?  So why didn't my husband look happy about it?   Well, I think there are many reasons.   One, we had really prayed that the cancer would be gone...that's what we were hoping for.   Two, he now has to do radiation...he is not happy about that.   Three, the results of chemo are kicking in...he feels awful.   There are more, but you get the picture.   So we go from happy that God has given us hope, to disappointed that we will still have to do radiation through the holidays.   Big swoosh...that might have even been the loopty loop!   

Tonight, my heart is light and heavy at the same time.  Light, because I know God answered my prayer this morning.  There is not a doubt in my mind about that.   Heavy, because my husband is in a low place...a place that he has helped many others through, but struggles to find his way through it now.   Last night, he admitted that his faith has been shaken this week.   Not his faith in God, but his faith that his healing will come.   That is why it is so important that we don't pull away from our brothers and sisters in Christ during these times.   We bear each other's burdens.  We pray for each other, we encourage each other, we stand in the gap if we must and we prop our brothers and sisters up until they can stand on their own again.   We are so grateful that we have friends who have prayed for us, fasted for us and who are willing to drop everything and come to us if need be.   

I guess the one thing I like most about roller coasters is that the ride doesn't last forever.   This trial is crazy, with wild curves and high victories followed by low valleys, but we will come through it...it will not last forever.  I am thankful that God gives me glimpses of hope right when I need them...just so I can keep going.    Tonight, I saw a shooting star on my way home...it was bright and had a long tail.  When I saw it, it reminded me that God knows where every star is, even the shooting ones.   He knows when star falls from its place.   He knows everything about us...he is still in control.   He knows exactly what we need to go through so that our testimony will be what He needs it to be.   Lord, help us not to grumble and complain,  help us to trust You, help us to glorify You!  (And ps...you can get me off this roller coaster anytime...I won't mind!)

3

Our Journey #11

November 5, 2012

It's been several days since I've posted last.   Today, Jeff had his 3rd chemo treatment.   For the most part, he is feeling good and we are thankful for that.    We made sure to vote early so he won't have to be around a ton of people tomorrow.   Thursday he will be rescanned and prepped for radiation.   We are praying that the tumor has either shrunk or disappeared completely.    Tonight, as our country is on edge, waiting for the outcome of tomorrow's election...I find myself holding my breath and hoping for good results on Thursday.  

Even as I say that, I am reminded that God is already in my tomorrow.   He goes before me and I should not fear.   I think one of my earlier posts was dedicated to fear or rather my victory over it.  So tonight, I just wanted to remind myself that I should not fear.   First, when I think about all the things that had to happen in order for Jeff to even get a diagnosis in the first place, I KNOW GOD IS IN CONTROL.  Then when I think about the mountains that He's already moved for us, I KNOW GOD IS IN CONTROL and I  am reminded that He is concerned about our every need.

God's word has become alive to me in a new way throughout this ordeal.   He gave me this passage early on in this and once again today, He has reminded me that it is true:

Psalm 91

1 He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.

2 I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.”

3 Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare and from the deadly pestilence.

4 He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.

5 You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day,

6 nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday.

7 A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you.

8 You will only observe with your eyes and see the punishment of the wicked.

9 If you make the Most High your dwelling— even the Lord, who is my refuge—

10 then no harm will befall you, no disaster will come near your tent.

11 For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways;

12 they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.

13 You will tread upon the lion and the cobra; you will trample the great lion and the serpent.

14 “Because he loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.

15  He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him.

16  With long life will I satisfy him and show him my salvation.”

Verse 5 and verses 14 through 16 have become my mantra!   I rehearse them over and over and over in my head.  Along with it, I rehearse the many ways He has met every need.   Sometimes, when you are overwhelmed by the "what if's", you just need to stop and rehearse!   Rehearse His word...say it over and over and over until it gets in you...and rehearse His blessings...what has he brought you through to get you to this point?   So tomorrow, and Wednesday and in the days that follow where Jeff doesn't feel well and I have to fight that fear away again, I will rehearse God's word and His goodness.  He has never failed me, he's not going to start now.

For those of you who are fretting over the election tonight, let me remind you that God is already in tomorrow.   Regardless of who is elected tomorrow, He is sovreign and He is in control.  As Christians, we must remember that.   Yes, we have a responsibility to do our part and vote, but ultimately, God is in control.  "He changes times and seasons; he sets up kings and deposes them. He gives wisdom to the wise and knowledge to the discerning." Daniel 2:21

I'm telling my heart tonight to be still...be still and know that He is God...I think that applys to a lot of folks tonight!   So, hey you...BE STILL!

2

Our Journey #10

October 27, 2012

Normally, I do my best writing late at night...when everyone else is sleeping and my mind can just let go.   I am attempting to write this note at the crack of dawn, mainly because I heard something last night that stuck with me and because I wrestled all night with this post.   I've come to know that when that happens, it is usually not just about me, but someone out there needs to hear it.   I'm at a women's retreat this weekend and the speaker is Barbara Benton.  This is the first time I've heard her speak, but the words she spoke last night were straight from God, for me.  I'll not attempt to "repreach" her sermon, that would be plagerism.  I just want to share what God said to me during her message.   She spoke about going deeper with God and used the passage from Luke 5 (I think, I was so engrossed I forgot to write down the passage!)  She talked about being in shallow water and the benefits of being there...you can still touch bottom (safety) and you don't have to paddle (comfort).  When Jesus told Simon to "put out into the deep", the first thing Simon did was argue with Jesus.   The flesh will always fight against whatever God is trying to accomplish in your life.   I realized that this is the place I was at just a little over a month ago.   I was in the water, in the boat...but I was in shallow water...safe, secure, calm water.   Water that I could see bottom and touch it.   In Wakulla county we have one of the most beautiful rivers I've ever seen.   I love to go down the Wakulla River because I can see the bottom...it's shallow and in most parts of the river you can touch bottom.   I like that...I don't have to worry about what is going to get me...I can see it coming!   There's another river in our county, the Sopchoppy river, that I wouldn't swim in EVER!!!   The water is dark and though I don't know how deep it is, it looks deep to me because I can't see bottom!   So, you get the point...I don't like deep water!   It's unpredictable, it's dangerous, it requires that I trust the vessel I am riding in and/or the skills that I can muster to keep my head above water.    

On September 7th, Jesus asked me to put out into the deep.  Well, actually, it felt more like He threw me in over my head!  I fought against it...I didn't want to go deeper if it meant leaving the safety of the shore, the predictable, the comfortable.   So while this woman of God was preaching last night, my mind went back to when I was 8 or 9 (maybe younger) and I had taken swimming lessons every Summer at White Springs for probably 3 years.   I would go to class every day but I didn't learn to swim...because I liked to touch bottom.   Now my strokes were perfect, I had that part down, but my feet didn't leave the bottom so I really wasn't swimming.   One afternoon after swimming lessons, our family went to Lake Mystic for some family time.   And there, at the end of a long dock, one of my brothers picked me up and threw me in to deep water...at least it was over my head!      I fought him and I struggled and I screamed, "I can't swim!"  "Save me!".    He said, "Yes, you can...you just didn't know it...you are swimming right now!"   He was right!   While I fought it and didn't want to be thrown it, it was the best thing for me...I COULD swim!   Had I listened to my own flesh, I never would have known that.

When we got Jeff's diagnosis, I fought it...I cried out in terror and I didn't want to do this.  But God knows what we can bear and He knows what waits for us in the deep.   The beautiful things are in the deep.    The deep holds things that our minds can comprehend while we are in the shallow.   He wanted us to go deeper in our trust of Him.   He wanted us to go deeper in our ministry.   He wanted us to go deeper in our marriage.   He wanted us to go deeper.     

I'm not afraid of the deep anymore...actually, I'm more afraid of staying in the shallow.   You see...my God is in the deep and I want to be where He is!   At the end of this passage, after Simon argues with Jesus, he says to him...Nevertheless, at thy word I will let down my net.   He surrendered his wisdom to God's.    That's where I'm at...Nevertheless...I will go deeper!

2

Our Journey #9

October 22, 2012

Well, it's late...the sandman is elusive and so I guess it's time for another journal entry.   It's been kind of a rough week around our house.   The side effects from Jeff's chemo kicked in early Wednesday.   Unfortunately, late Wednesday, so did a rather painful sinus issue for me.   So here we are, a couple of laid up "invalids" attempting to take care of each other, but neither of us feeling very good at the moment!   Neither of us like to take medicine or go to doctors...yet that seems to be what our lives revolve around!   Oh well...we will not complain...it could be worse.   

Tonight, I just wanted to briefly share what I witnessed in my amazing husband today.   He woke up this morning (well actually now it is yesterday...anyway Sunday morning) feeling very crummy.   He wasn't sick but very fatigued and not at all feeling himself.    When he told me to take the kids and go on to praise team practice (and possibly lead prayer without him), I knew something wasn't right.   So I did as he asked and I prayed that God would give him the strength he needed to get through this day.   He arrived at the church shortly after prayer time began but it was obvious to anyone who knows him that he was weak and just not himself.  Several people stopped and prayed for him and even our Sunday School class took time to pray for him.  

Service began and still he was struggling.   A couple of folks came up and prayed for him, but this very watchful wife could see no change in his countenance.   His shoulders were sagging and his eyes heavy...like he needed a really long nap.   Our praise and worship time came to an end and it was time for him to take the stage and begin his sermon.   I grabbed a stool and placed it by his podium in case he would need to sit...I was certain he would.   Much to my surprise, it seemed as if the Holy Spirit had hooked up an invisible IV to him and was pumping him full of energy.   For the next 25 minutes, this man preached his heart out!   As he retold the parable of the pharisee and the tax collector from Luke 18, he spoke with vigor and the Word came to life!   He defiantly moved my stool (though I didn't mind at all!) out of his way...and he never missed a beat.   I was amazed.   Amazed that a man who obviously felt so badly just a few moments before, was now showing no signs of fatigue whatsoever.   Amazed at how God would use a story that has been told over and over to once again move hearts and draw people to repentance.   Amazed at how good God is to remind me that when we are weak, He is strong...and His strength is made perfect in our weakness.   

Throughout the day, I reflected on how good God is to us.   He brought it to my attention that Jeff's cough is much less freguent now and even when it is present, it is not nearly so violent.   I believe that God is healing him.  Time will tell, but I believe that the same God who spoke life into him this morning will continue to do it.   And furthermore I KNOW that with one simple touch from Him, Jeff's body will be made whole.   Our God is sovreign and worthy of my praise...even if He never answered another prayer...He is still worthy!   The last part of the passage that Jeff shared this morning has stuck with me all day..."For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted."  There was a time in my life when I thought I deserved to be exalted...I'm not proud of it, it's just the truth.   However, in His infinite mercy, God has allowed me to be humbled...I can think of nothing I desire more.   I must decrease, He must increase. 

That is my prayer tonight...Lord, don't let me forget this one...let this be a lesson that I remember...be glorified in my life!

2

Our Journey #8

October 20, 2012

Nearly a week has passed since my last post.   In that time, Jeff had his 2nd chemo treatment and has toughed it out through the 48-72 hrs of nausea & fatigue that follows.   Maybe it was because we knew what to expect, but this one didn't seem as bad (to me anyway).   Monday morning started with some frustration, but I could see how God was at work even in our frustration.   We showed up at the chemo place for his 9 am appt only to find that he didn't have orders for chemo.   They told us that our doctor wanted to see us first (but our doctor's office had made no attempt to call us and schedule an appt)!   So over to the doc's office we go.   

We are sitting in the doc's office and I could feel my blood pressure rising, as well as fear creeping in.   Why wouldn't he send the orders...was something wrong with Jeff's numbers...what is going on.   Those nagging questions and many more that seem to assault your mind as you wait.   Finally the doc comes in and basically we find out that because we finally met our deductible, they wanted to change our chemo treatments to their office.   Thankfully, he changed his mind for this treatment...making this change would have meant Jeff would have to come back another day...postponing his recovery and possibly having him still sick on Sunday.   

So the doc begins to examine Jeff...listening to his lungs, checking for radiation symptoms (he had forgotten that we postponed the radiation), etc.   He says to Jeff, "Wow, you are doing really good...you are already sounding better and you are tolerating the radiation so well!".  To which Jeff replies, "Ah, we aren't doing the radiation yet."...."Oh, that's right...I don't know what I was thinking...you're not having to use your cough meds?"  "Nope" "Awesome".

He asked a few more questions and then indicated that he wanted us to head on over for the chemo and he wanted to see us before the next treatment and the radiation.   Now Jeff had some questions for him...like "Doc, what if my rescan shows that the cancer is gone...do I still have to do radiation"   "Well that is not scientifically possible"..."I know it may not be scientifically possible but I believe my God is healing me."   And just like that I believe God opened a door!   

You see, I've been praying for this doctor ever since the first time we met him in the hospital.   Praying that the faith that he witnesses in us and the healing that God brings will impact him so much that he will in fact become a believer in Christ as well.   He indicated that "our God" had already been at work in this situation.   Had this diagnosis come 3 or 4 years earlier, his prognosis would have been very grim.   The treatments that are available today were simply not on the horizon then.   In fact, Jeff's treatment plan was not available in Tallahassee a year ago...he would have had to travel to Moffitt or another cancer facility for this treatment.   God's timing is perfect.   

Had we not traveled to Louisville, KY...the blood clot may not have formed when it did.   Had the blood clot not formed when it did, Jeff wouldn't have suffered a pulmonary embolism.   Had he not had a PE, I certainly never would have gotten him into the hospital ...which means no testing and no diagnosis.    Had he not been diagnosed when he was, he was only months away from it being so far progressed that treatment would not have even been an option.

Futhermore, had God not placed my friend (who only remains nameless because I haven't asked her permission to use her name) in her job, with her expertise and contacts...we never would have persued further testing, never would have had a pulmonary consult, never would have had a bronchial biopsy and never would have been diagnosed...until it was too late.   God's timing is always perfect.

When we got the diagnosis, I called my friend right away to ask who she would use as an oncologist.  She responded, "Give me a little time to consult with some of my colleages and I will get right back with you.   When she called back with Bhanderi's name, I have to admit that I was a little hesitant.   His name was foreign...something in my spirit told me that he wasn't a believer.   I wanted a Christian doctor.  (Our radiation oncologist is a believer!)   But almost as soon as that thought entered my mind, so did the thought that perhaps God wanted to use Jeff and his story to win the lost...after all, we have prayed, "Win the lost at any cost!".   Please don't misunderstand me...it's not that I think God gave Jeff cancer...but I do believe that God wants to use it for His glory!  

This whole scenario is yet to be written...but what if God wants us to lead our Doctor to Him?   His timing is perfect!   I believe with all my heart that God loves our doctor and that He wants him to know Him.    What an honor it would be to lead him to the Lord!!!   So, as you pray for us, would you please add our doctor to your prayers?   That through this battle, He will come to know Christ as His Lord and Saviour! He is such a good oncologist...but with Christ, he can be even better!   God's timing is perfect...we believe that.   Jeff's healing will come when the timing is right...until then we will glorify Christ so that He may be lifted up for all (even our doctor) to see and know!

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: Eccl 3:1

He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.  Eccl 3:11 

2

Our Journey #7

October 14, 2012

When I first started this blog, I warned you that you would see the real me...the good, the bad and the ugly.   So far, I've shared good...I've shared bad...and tonight, I'm gonna share the ugly.   Okay, let me preface this with a disclaimer.   Some of you fellas may not want to read this...the hormones are in full strength today and it may be more feminine emotion and terminology than you care to experience.     Let me also say upfront that some of the emotion I will put out there is just that...do not try to sell me your cure all, I've probably already tried it anyway!  Preface over...let's get started!

I woke up this morning and I knew that it was one of those hormonal kinda days...you know, the kind of day when you are certain that you shoulda been a hitman!   Jeff has another chemo treatment tomorrow, I'm hormonal, I've just finished a round of prednisone for a sinus infection and I'm exhausted.  Let's just say I was a bit on edge...a little testy.   I walk into the kitchen (the one my children have not lifted a finger to clean or help keep clean) and my wonderful middle child, Doran, is sitting at the dining room table.   Instead of saying, "Good morning, Mom" he opted for "Why do we have a stupid tablecloth on the table?"    BAD MOVE!!!!!   I'll leave it at he now FULLY understands why!!!

From there I moved into the bedroom to get myself ready for church.   As I stood in my closet singing Kum Ba Yah and looking at all my clothes I realized a very important truth...nothing fits anymore!   Yes, somehow I have managed to gain 30 lbs in the last year.    While friends and family and it seems like even the dog are having successful diet stories to share...I'm getting heavier and heavier! It's not that I'm not happy for my friends...but I really don't care to hear it when my scale just keeps moving up.   Every round of prednisone packs another 10 lbs on me so forgive me for being a little disgruntled and not so chipper!   So I try on like three pairs of pants and finally find one that buttons.   I decide that I need to wear a slimming undergarment...ok a girdle...so I go to my lingerie drawer where I proceed to pull out EVERY thing in there...but cant find the stupid girdle!   Ugggh!   Oh wait, I remember that on Friday I washed and dried it ...just didn't have time to get it out of the dryer.  But Jeff and Doran were at the house on Saturday, surely one of them has folded up all the clean clothes by now...HA!  Yep, there in the dryer was everything that I didn't get done on Friday.   By now the kettle is beginning to tap, tap, tap...the whistle is just moments away!

I march back into the bathroom to begin doing my makeup and getting my "church" face on and Jeff looks at me sweetly and says, "Honey, can I do anything to help you this morning?"   Okay, I know that should have disarmed me...but well, I'll just be honest...it just about set me over the edge!   (I know guys...you don't understand ANY of this, do you?   I may as well be speaking Portuguese!)   I did at least have the frame of mind to say to him, "Look, today is not my day, you might find it helpful to just not speak to me for a while."   Remarkably, he did just that...he quietly left the room.

Finally, I managed to get my big behind ready and emerged from our room ready to leave.   Jeff and I get into the car to head to church (Doran got out of the house pretty quick when he saw my mood!) and I decide to check my Facebook on my phone.  Phone is dead...like graveyard dead!   So I sigh and plug it in...thinking it will come up so I can atleast use it attached to the charger.   We get almost to the church before it even charges enough to turn on!   Uggggh!!!!

So we arrive at the church and I am at boiling point.   But we are at church...that means I need to get control of the situation or else innocent bystanders could be harmed!   As I walked in the door, I prayed that God would help me not bite someones head off today.   That was it...just a simple, quick, silly prayer.   But God heard it.   Just like He's heard all my other prayers.    It wasn't worded eloquently, nor was it spoken in a church voice.   It was muttered under my breath through gritted teeth.    He still heard it and answered.    Praise team warm up began and so did a warm up in my soul.   By the  end of our pre-service prayer I could feel a change in my spirit and our service was amazing!   He began to change my mood and then the most amazing thing happened...PEACE followed almost immediately by JOY!   He had turned my sorrow (frustration, ranting, grumbling, whining, etc.) into dancing!   That's what His Word says He will do!  You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, Psalms 30:11 (NIV)  

So, why did I share all this?   It occurred to me right after the joy came that many of you may have had the same kinda morning I did.   Maybe your's was worse.   Some of my frustration was self inflicted and some was from others...but God let me trade it all in and in return He gave me joy.   We can't beat God's currency system...He always give us something that far outweighs whatever we've brought to HIm.    Bring Him your frustration, your sorrow, your wailing...let Him turn it to dancing, uncontrollable laughter, unspeakable joy!

1