Our Journey (Entry 23)

I've probably put more thought into how to start this post than any other post I've written thus far.   Still, even as I write this, I'm not sure how I want to say all that I have to say.   Guess I'll just jump right in.  Friday, Jeff was scheduled for his follow-up scan, however on Wednesday he began feeling poorly.   When we arrived for the scan on Friday they sent us straight to the ER.   After a battery of tests, the conclusion was that he had fluid on the lungs and some around his heart and then the part we didn't want to hear...the cancer is back.    After meeting with our doctors and having our options laid out before us, Jeff decided that he will try to do the chemotheraphy again.   This time the regimen will look a little different.   He will not do radiation.   He will only have one kind of chemo, not two.   Our hope is to begin the chemo treatments tomorrow.

This is not what we were hoping for...however, our faith is still in a God who heals.  We have a peace that He is in control.  We will be assertive, doing what is within our power to do (following Dr.s orders, changing diet and researching other wellness measures).   We are thankful for medicine and technology that allows cancer patients to live longer, fuller lives...still, we understand that we serve the great Physician.   We are trusting Him for healing, for the miraculous.  

In times like this, I run to the only place I know to go...to my God.  I am so thankful for his Word that ministers to me on so many levels.   I am thankful for the body of Christ that continues to lift us up in prayer and gives us amazing support.   I am thankful for music that God has always used to minister to my soul.   We are blessed.

There are many questions we have that we don't have the answers to.   Many tears have been shed already...I'm sure there are more to come.   We don't know what the future holds.  We are hoping for the best...but honestly, the best the medical profession has to offer us falls short of what we need.  What we need is a miracle.   An honest to goodness touch from the Savior.   We can relate to the woman with the issue of blood who knew that if she could just touch the hem of His garment, she would be made whole.   We know that anything short of His touch will be less than what we need.  We are desperate for a miracle.  We have friends and family all over the world who are praying for us.  We ask that you believe with us for that.   Believe that God will heal.  Believe that God will sustain.  Believe that God will use this situation to bring more people to Him.  Our heart's cry is that God would be glorified in everything we do...we want the way we respond to this crisis to glorify Him as well.

PRAY!   Please don't give up!  We will not give up!  Our spirit's are steadfast in the Lord.   Our hope is in Him.  Join us in this fight...no one fights alone...and if God is for me, who can be against me!   In every part of this journey join us in saying, to God be the glory, great things He has done!   Expect a miracle!

Our Journey (Post #22)

May 28, 2013

The day is growing near for Jeff's follow-up scan.   This time, all the pre-authorization's are in place and we are ready.  Please be in prayer for us between now and Friday morning (when the scan is set to take place).  

Here's where we are now...the cough that has plagued Jeff since his radiation treatment ended is still persistant.   The cough was unproductive  until about a week ago.   The cough changed somewhat at that time and began to sound "wet"...not long after, he did begin to cough stuff up, making him feel better.   His doctor prescribed antibiotics and prednisone for him...as of now, we really can't tell that it's helped.   Tonight he had a pretty violent coughing spell, during which he pulled a muscle or something in his back.  This made it hard for him to breathe without being in pain.  

I won't pretend that all this doesn't concern us.  It does.   However, we trust our God.   We trust that He has a plan for our lives and that He is in control.   Our resolve to give Him the glory in every situation remains.   So that's where we are for now.   We are grateful for all the prayers and support that our friends and family have given throughout this ordeal.   We truly have an amazing support system around us.  

So, I'll change the subject and tell you what else is going on in our lives.    I'll start with the youngest...Abbi is finishing up her 7th grade year with excellence.   Today, she recieved notification that she will be inducted into the Jr. National Honor Society on Thursday night.   She is active in school and church and makes sure that we have plenty to talk about at the dinner table each night!   She's a beautiful young lady and we are blessed to watch her grow.

Doran is finishing up his Jr. year and excels in his studies as well.   He will be inducted into NHS in the fall.   He continues to be an honor student, active on the church praise teams and drama team and our resident source of useless (but interesting) facts.

Zac has recently moved back home with us.  We are happy to have him here and are proud to see the man he has become.   He continues to work as a night auditor at Wakulla Springs lodge and hopefully by moving home, will be able to save up enough money to return to college soon.   He is thoughtful and nice to be around.  And now he helps us drive home advice to his younger brother and sister...pointing out to them that we are not as stupid as they think we are!   He keeps things musical around the house...often answering random questions with a song!

My photography business is going crazy good right now and God continues to open new doors of opportunity for me.   I am toying with the idea of writing a book, however I have decided that God will have to open those doors...I will not be knocking them down.  When the time is right, He will give me the words ... He always does.

Jeff has continued to preach throughout this whole ordeal.  I feel that his sermons are stronger than ever.  He struggles with the cough and it bothers him terribly, but somehow I know that God is using it.   His determination to continue inspite of his ailments has been a testimony of God's faithfulness.  

I've said this many times in the last few months, but I'll say it again tonight.   God is faithful, God is good.    He has promised not to leave us or forsake us...He has kept His promise.   We can face Friday without fear because we know that He will be there with us.   Keep us in prayer...I'll let you know sometime next week what the test results are.

Our Journey (Entry #21)

April 29, 2013

It's been more than a month since my last post.   I've had much to say but unfortunately, I've let a busy schedule keep me from posting.   Tonight I am burning the midnight oil...not by choice.   I'm nursing a bum shoulder (I've self-diagnosed it to be some kind of rotator cuff issue...hoping I'm wrong and it's just a pulled muscle.)   Anyway, the shoulder is keeping me from finding a comfortable resting position, so I am up and I figured this would be a good time to post.

Later this week, Jeff will go back in for a follow-up scan to see is the cancer is still shrinking.   We are praying for it to be gone, proving the Dr's wrong as we were told that it is scientifically impossible for this cancer to be gone 100%.   They don't know our God!   I'm asking everyone to join us in prayer this week for complete healing.  

I'm finding my spirit agitated tonight...perhaps even a little irrated.   I'm asking God to help me with these feelings...giving them to Him as I've done so many times before.   This morning, in Jeff's message, he talked about the faith of a child.   The way a child trusts his father to catch him, the way he trusts that his needs will be met.   I've been meditating all day on that one little juicy morsel and realizing that God wants me to trust Him just that completely.  To be able to say to Him, "We are facing things that are unknown and scarey, but we KNOW that we need not worry...You are there."   I've found that saying it and doing it are two different things.    I say it often, I even believe it...but doing it...well that's a horse of a different color.

Why is that, I wonder?   Why don't I just close my eyes and leap into His arms?  He has never failed me and I know that He is there.   Still, I find myself perplexed by the time that I spend worrying about things that I cannot control.    Uggggh!

I've made up my mind though...I want to do more than just say I trust Him...I'm putting my faith into action.   I trust Him with my feelings.  Afterall, He knows that I struggle with feelings of rejection and fear...only He can take those feelings and turn them into wholeness.   I trust Him with my health...whether it's my struggle with asthma or a bum shoulder or my husband's cancer, He can handle every issue.   I trust Him with my family.  He loves them even more than I do...how can I not trust Him?  I trust Him with my future, He holds it in His hands.

I'm not there yet...everyday, I'm learning to trust Him more.   I'm quite sure that tomorrow I will find myself giving my anxiety to Him again...and the next day...and the next.   Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus, just to take Him at His word.  Just to rest upon His promise, just to know, thus saith the Lord.  Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him. How I've proved Him o'er and o'er.  Jesus, Jesus, Precious Jesus, oh for grace to trust Him more.

That's my prayer tonight...Oh for grace to trust Him more!   To trust Him like a child trusts her Daddy.   Help me trust You, Abba Father!

Our Journey (Entry #20)

March 3, 2013

I had planned to post tonight, asking our friends to join us prayer for tomorrow's scan.  However, Friday at 5:00, we received a call notifying us that we did not have authorization for this scan and it would have to be postponed until such authorization could be obtained.  Once again, my very plan oriented husband, was not a happy camper.  But I'm happy to say, I watched him school his emotions right in front of me...and just like that, he put the situation in God's hands.

I too, found myself very frustrated with the whole mess, but we trust God and know that every detail is in his hands.  Granted, waiting the last 2 months has not been easy.   (I almost think it's easier when you are doing treatment...at least then you are "doing" something.)   But when that call came on Friday, I realized something very important.  Jeff and I both have grown through this whole ordeal.   We did not respond the same way we would have 6 months ago.   We have learned to trust God.  

We will have to wait until tomorrow to see when the scan can be done.   As of now, we have a Dr.'s appointment scheduled for Thursday.  That may have to change too, but we will not worry about that.  Whenever the scan does take place, we are praying that we will see proof of Jeff's healing. 

We ask you to join us in these ways:  1)Pray that approval for the scan comes through tomorrow with no hassel.  2) Pray that the scan shows that the cancer is gone.  3) Pray that Jeff's cough goes away and his strength returns and 4) pray that God continues to be glorified in this struggle.

We are confident that God is healing or has healed Jeff.   Still, we have moments of fear when it seems that perhaps the enemy is gaining ground.  It's in these moments that I remember the father in Mark 9:24, when he exclaimed, "I do believe, help me overcome my unbelief."   God doesn' t just want my brave face...He wants me to admit when I not so brave and let Him help me with my struggle.   God understands that we are anxious about this test...even as I admit that, He stands ready to strengthen my belief and help me overcome my unbelief.   We are in His hands.  We trust Him.  We will willingly wait for His perfect timing.  Lord, teach us how to wait on You!

Our Journey Entry #19

February 21, 2013

I feel compelled to share this post on behalf of all the loving caretakers out there who take such good care of their loved ones and who sometimes do so without the benefit of a medical degree.   That being said, I think I almost killed my husband last night!   Ok, not really, but if you ask him I did! 

It all started about a week ago.   One night as I was getting Jeff's evening medication ready for him (something I do every night without fail), I noticed that his folic acid was nearly out.   I poured the remaining pills into my hand to count them so I would know how many days I had left before I had to get the prescription refilled.   As the pills spilled into my hand, I noticed that there where eight of them.  However, they weren't all the same.   They were all the same size and shape but six of them were a pale yellow and two were white.  Strange, I thought, but since they were the same size I thought that maybe they just came in different colors.  I have a friend who is a pharmacist and I thought I'd take them in and let him see.   Problem is, I couldn't seem to remember to do that.

So fast forward to last night...you guessed it, I was down to the two white "folic acid" pills.   So I prepared the evening medicine and fixed him a nice cool glass of water.   He was a good patient and downed the pills, then off to bed we went.

Now, he hasn't been sleeping very well, so as we laid down last night, I prayed over him.   That's something I do often, but last night I prayed that he would sleep well and begin to regain his strength.   When we woke this morning and he told me that he had  indeed slept well.  I was so pleased!   When he moved to the recliner and fell into a deep slumber again, I thought, "Wow, he really needed his rest!".   

I left to go for a walk with my friend, after which I stopped by the pharmacy to get his prescription refilled.   My friend (the pharmacist) happened to be in, so I told him about the strange two white pills.   He asked me if the markings were the same on the pills...well, I didn't think to look for that!   

I returned home to find Jeff still sleeping!   What a great prayer life I must have!   While it was still fresh on my mind, I wanted to check that pill.   So I grabbed the bottle and dropped out the last pill.  I promptly called my friend and relayed the information to him.   Funny thing...you may have figured it out by now, but it seems that wasn't folic acid that I gave him last night!   You see, somehow, somewhere down the road, I accidentally mixed up two of his phenergan pills in his bottle of folic acid.   So what I actually had given him was phenergan...which effectively knocks him out!  (But hey, at least he wasn't nauseated!)

As humerous as this is right now, my husband was not laughing when I confessed my mistake to him!   He did, however, sleep the rest of the day away!   Tonight, I have a new resolve to be more careful as I tend to him...and he has a new resolve to question EVERYTHING I give him!  I'm so glad that God graciously gives us laughter amidst the hardest struggles of our lives.   

We are now just a short couple of weeks away from his rescan.   Though I have had moments when the enemy has tried to make me doubt, the peace that God has given me is still strongfast.   I believe that he is healed.   We will continue to do everything the doctors tell us to do and we will continue to believe.   And I will continue to administer care...and he will continue to forgive my shortcomings!  And together, we will continue to laugh...A cheerful heart is good medicine...Proverbs 17:22

Our Journey (Post #18)

February 7th, 2013

Something has changed.  No, we haven't seen the doctor again and wont be re-scanned until March 4th, but I'm telling you, something has changed.  We believe that Jeff is healed!!     We will continue to do everything the doctors tell us to do until we get that clean bill of health but he is healed!   

When this whole thing started, God told Jeff not to worry, just to do what the doctors said.  We must've had 30 different opinions on who we should use, what we should do...it seemed even our doctors couldn't agree.  We felt frustrated and helpless, but God quickly took control of the situation and got them on the same page.  

Half way through his treatment when he wanted so badly to quit and I was pretty sure that he would, we saw God move again.   His doctor prayed over him and gave him encouragement to fight this fight.   And I have to say, he has fought this fight with a strength that I don't think either of us knew he had.   We also understand where that strength has come from!

From the very start of this whole ordeal, we have known that this journey was not just about us and some dreaded disease.   It was about a God who loves us and has proven that He is faithful and will not leave us.   It was about others who will face this same trial and need a road map of how to make it through.   It was about a family that needed to learn to love each other again and not take one second for granted.   It was about an indescribable hope that rises out of a struggle when we put our trust in Him.  I have no doubt that God has used this experience and will continue to use it to encourage others and bring hope in a hopeless situation.

Anyone who knows Jeff for 5 minutes knows that his sense of humor in incredibly sarcastic in nature.   So don't be offended when I say that in the beginning he "milked" this whole cancer thing big time!   Mainly with me (to get special favors...like, "Honey can you bring me a drink..I have cancer")...oh yes he did!   But also to rib lifelong friends who called or came to visit!   He'd say, "they think I'm dying and I'm gonna loose my hair so they just had to come see!"    Thank God our friends understand his humor!   (Well, most of the time!)   Anyway, that all changed last week.   He stopped saying I have cancer...and changed it to I "had" cancer!   If you know Jeff McFalls then you know that is huge!!!   He does not EVER say things just to get your hopes up...EVER!  

Shortly after his last treatment my sister, Christie, called to tell me that in her prayer time she felt like God was telling her to stop praying for his healing and start praising Him for it.  I didn't tell Jeff because I thought he'd probably roll his eyes...I'm just being honest!   (This man will tell you he is a skeptic!)  Later that same week, I was praying and I felt God tell me the same thing...He is healed...start praising for it! Well Sunday, Jeff basically told our congregation the same thing (not in so many words but it was the same thing).  He talked about the man at the pool of Bethesda and how Jesus told him to take up his mat and walk.   Why take up his mat????   Well, because he would not be coming this way again!   He would have no need to!   I believe that is exactly what He is saying to Jeff...take up your mat and walk...you're not coming this way again!   

There was a purpose for us passing this way on the journey...perhaps there where many purposes.   But God never intended for us to stop here...for this to be our final destination.   There is still much work to be done.   This journey has added tools to our spiritual tool belt that we couldn't have acquired any other way.   But we believe those tools are meant for a greater purpose than just fighting this battle...and we are ready to put them to work!   Please continue to pray with us for good results on March 4th...but more than that, rejoice with us that the God we serve is the God who heals!   To God be the Glory!!  Great things He has done!

Our Journey #17

January 22, 2013

Today was a milestone in our journey.   Jeff had his last chemo treatment.   Our doctor seemed very pleased with his progress.  He listened to his lungs and noted that they sound wonderful.  He told Jeff that he wants him back on the golf course, playing as much as possible, as soon as possible.  Music to my husband's ears (and honestly, it was quite melodious to me as well).  But as this day came to an end, I realized that this is where faith must really kick in.

Up til now, we have been actively doing everything we know to do to beat this monster called cancer.   We've done radiation, chemo, dietary changes, vitamin supplements, and even Xango juice.   I've researched until I feel that I could apply for med school...well, maybe for something in the medical field!!  

But now, we must wait.   Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers said it best...the waiting is the hardest part (and yes, I had to Google to see who sang it...Jeff is already in bed and my friend Katie, who would be my other "phone-a-friend" for music trivia has moved off to Chicago!)  Seriously, I suspect that this is the part that the majority of cancer patients struggle with the most.  Waiting to see if the treatment worked.   

Well, today, God has given me several confirmations that I can trust Him...He's got this.  As our world watched the debacle of an inauguration, I was once again reminded that God is in control.   Even though there were outright attempts made to leave Him out of today's celebration, I am reminded that He is sovereign and that He is still God even when governments turn away from Him.   Man cannot control Him.   And Satan and all His schemes is not even close to being a match for Him.  I know it may sound strange that I would find any encouragement in today's events...but I did.   I believe I was encouraged because it reminded me that God's word is true.   In John16:33 Jesus says  “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."  Whether it is political unrest or cancer or financial collapse...that is a promise that I can cling to!!  

God gave me another scripture today..But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.  Isaiah 40:31.  As I read that, I knew that God was preparing me for the wait.   It's time to wait on Him...to trust Him...to HOPE in Him (as the NIV says).   And as we do, He will renew our strength...I believe He is healing every cell in Jeff's body.   It says that we will mount up with wings like eagles.   Eagles soar...have you ever watched one in flight?   They soar high...up above the worries and concerns of earth.   And eagles have large, strong wings...I believe that what He has for us is unbelievably majestic and graceful...like the wings of an eagle.    They shall run and not be weary...reminds me that we are in a race and that the prize that awaits us is worth every step...let us not grow weary!   Dr. Bandheri told Jeff today...I'd like to see you running that golf course...I believe it's possible!   They shall walk and not faint...many times, in this walk, we have felt like we would faint.  Yet, even when it seemed we couldn't take another step, we could feel His gentle encouragement and His promise that He wouldn't let us faint.  Sometimes, it came through a God sent doctor, who placed his hand on his patient and prayed to a God who could do what man was incapable of doing.   Sometimes, it came through a meal, or a card, or a gift, or a phone call, or a note written by a sweet little girl.    But the encouragement always came...and the fainting never did.

So now the waiting begins...I won't promise that I won't worry from time to time.   I'm sure it will get me at times.   Cancer patients have a term they use for the time leading up to the rescans...they call it scanxiety.   Well, all I can says is that when I feel it, I plan to give it to God.  He says, "Cast all your cares on me..."  That's an offer I plan to take Him up on.   

Please keep us in your prayers over the next few weeks.   I will continue to post...I'm not out of words yet!!!  (Ha!  Just when you thought it was safe!!!)   Believe with us for this miracle.   We serve a wonderful, mighty God...nothing is impossible for Him.  Teach me, Lord...Teach me, Lord, to wait.