I have to be honest tonight, I nearly didn't post this. I have faced one obstacle after another all day and my frustration level is at it's peak. However, I am just hardheaded enough that when I hit a wall, I will keep at it until I either find a way around it or tunnel my way through. Well, here I go, full steam ahead.
This has perhaps been the most trying week of my life. I have faced victories and devastating blows within breaths of each other. One moment I am on the mountain top, the next I am free falling into what seems to be an abyss.
Last weekend, our church hosted its first Women's Conference. This was a first for me and I was quite unsure about my ability to carry it out. However, several friends encouraged me and even agreed to walk me through it. They kept their promises and as the weekend approached, it became evident that this event would be even more successful than I ever dreamed it could be. Enter, Mountain Top #1...as we planned for the weekend, my husband asked me what number I would count as a successful event. Though I wanted to give him the spiritual answer of "numbers don't matter", I decided to be honest and answered instead that anything over 70 would be good in my book. One week out from this event, over 100 ladies were pre-registered! I was estatic!!! As our leadership team met to finalize plans I gave them a pep-talk to "empower" them to believe that something awesome was about to take place on our campus. Oh, if only I could've just stayed on that mountain top!!!
The next day, I recieved word from our speaker that her husband had fallen ill and they weren't sure what was wrong with him. She wasn't backing out, but in my mind I began to see her having to soon. At the same time, my husband began to get very ill as well. He began to complain of severe shoulder pain and then pain in the kidney area. Welcome to free fall. I could just see all these women showing up for a conference and our speaker, nor the host pastor's wife would be able to attend. What a disaster!
I checked the online registration numbers...they were climbing like crazy. By midweek, we were up to 150...and our speaker was stuck in Snowmagedon traffic in Atlanta!! Jeff continued to get sicker. Let me say, I'm thankful for a Godly man who insists that ministry goes on...but it is rather unnerving when I am concerned about him and trying to do ministry at the same time. In this case, he assured me that he was ok enough that I should proceed with my plans for the weekend, and so I did.
Friday came and our numbers jumped to over 200!!!! Back on the mountain top!!!! Woo Hoo!!! Our guest speaker arrived and she insisted that I take care of hubby first. Hubby however, insisted that I go to the conference. We have 3 able bodied kiddos in our home so I left him in their hands with instructions that they call me if there was an issue and off I went. God showed up at that conference (and so did 200+ women from over 30 different churches!). I felt very "empowered" as I left that place. God had met with us and I had learned that I can see Him even in the midst of the hardest circumstances.
I came home from the conference on Saturday and my husband was beginning to feel better. Power meter goes up! We had prayed for his healing and God had answered. Sunday came and though he was weak, he made it to church for the morning service. We had a funeral immediately following our service and he somehow made it through. Then the most amazing thing happened...he began to really get better. It was amazing, I watched him improve right before my eyes. Back on the mountaintop we go!
But the free fall was just around the bend. Tuesday evening, he went to church for a counseling appointment and while he was there, he coughed. That single cough tweaked something in his back and now for the last 24 hours he has been in agonizing pain. Probably the most pain I've ever seen him in. So for 24 hours, I have called out to Jesus, begging Him to heal him. All weekend, I proclaimed my faith and now I am grasping to find it.
I sat in church tonight and my heart broke. Jeff couldn't go (one of the few services he has ever missed) because of the pain. I called out to God...Lord, I know you can heal him. I trust You, Lord...I believe. Right then, He let a tiny ray of hope begin to bud in my soul. Down deep but taking root quickly. He brought back to my memory John 14:12 which says "Very truly I tell you, whoever believes in me will do the works I have been doing, and they will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father." You may think I'm crazy, but He reminded me that He laid hands on the sick and they were healed. Because He has gone to the Father, He has now empowered me to do even greater things! I may have been in the midst of a free fall but He has set my feet on solid ground again. I am EMPOWERED! I do not have to passively sit by and watch. I can actively take authority over the forces of evil that are attacking my husband. So tonight, that is exactly what I am doing. I am standing in the gap for him. I am telling sickness to leave...pain to be gone, cancer to dissolve. Please do not get me wrong, I am NOT speaking of a "name it-claim it" belief. I do NOT believe that we can ever tell God what to do. He is NOT my errand boy that I can command Him ever!! However, I do believe His word...every bit of it! His word tells me that because He has gone to the Father, I am EMPOWERED to do the works He did and EVEN GREATER!!! Either I believe it or I don't. I DO!! I don't know if I will sleep tonight...maybe I will, maybe I won't. But while I am awake, I will proclaim that Jeff is healed in Jesus' name. I will lay hands on Him until it leaves. I will pray over him, until it leaves. I will not give up. Look out world...I am fired up! I am PASSIONATE and I am EMPOWERED! God brought that scripture back to my memory tonight and re-inforced it with more than one confirmation. I believe in Him, so I believe greater things are yet to come!
Wednesday, February 12, 2014
Monday, January 20, 2014
Our Journey (When You're Too Close...) #39
I'll admit it. I'm getting old. And as I age, I find that my vision is changing. I've always been near sighted and had to wear glasses for seeing things in the distance. Recently, I've found that I have to remove my glasses to see things that are close...and sometimes, if something is too close, I just cant get it into focus at all. I am learning that this same principle applies in the spiritual as well as the physical.
Sometimes, when I am too close to the problem, I have a hard time "seeing" how I need to pray. I can't find the right words. If I find them, I can't get them out. I can trust God for other people, but when it comes to trusting for me, well...let's just say, it's not so easy.
Last week I posted about the possibility of Jeff's cancer beginning to grow again. Can I just tell you that we were very scared. The doctor thought that was what was happening. Jeff and I couldn't really even talk about it. It was the elephant in the room. I wanted to pray...but I couldn't find the words. I wanted to trust God, but I was so afraid. Thank God for friends during times like those. One of our friends texted me in the midst of that struggle and asked if he could arrange a prayer meeting for several area pastors to come and pray for Jeff. I said yes right away, because I knew we needed help...we no longer knew how to pray. Then, within just a few minutes, another friend reminded me that when we are close to the crisis, we need to let others who love us hold us up in prayer. It was another confirmation for me.
Over and over during the course of just a few days, friend after friend texted, messaged or called to remind us they were praying for us and for Jeff's healing. Thursday, I was sitting in the living room with Jeff and we were just being quiet...not really knowing what to say. A friend called to encourage us and share that she had been in prayer for us. After we hung up, I thanked God for so many friends who had called but honestly it worried me because I wondered if we were about to get some really bad news. Not ten minutes later, our phone rang again. This time it was Jeff's doctor who said, "Hey, I've got some good news for you! The tumors are still shrinking!" Much rejoicing followed as we gave God glory for his healing!
But on the hills of every victory, Satan is waiting to bring another trial. This time, it wasn't Jeff, it was one of my dearest friends. My friend who has stuck beside me through thick and thin. She has prayed for us and she has physically supported us. She has encouraged me and lifted me up when my spirits were low. A few weeks ago she began to experience some pain in her back. A trip to the doctor and some tests showed a large mass in her kidney. She had surgery after Christmas and had a kidney and the tumor removed. We were praying that would be the end of it. Yesterday, she had some complications and had to return to the ER. An emergency CT scan revealed that the cancer had spread. Today, her doctor confirmed that the road ahead of them will not be easy. By the end of the week, they will be at Moffitt and will be fighting a battle of their own.
They have stood alongside us for the past year and a half and encouraged us. I began calling out to God for her before I had a diagnosis...I knew from experience how hard it is to pray for yourself. Last night, we stood before our church as several pastors from other churches left there congregations to come pray for us. As they prayed, I couldn't pray for us...all I could think about was our friend. So I prayed that God would extend their prayers to cover her as well. "Lord, heal them both!"
Tonight, I spoke with my friend and she expressed the exact feelings that I have wrestled with for the last couple of weeks. That when you are close to the crisis, it is hard to believe for your miracle. You want to...but it is so hard. That is when you need friends, comrads in the faith, who will carry your burden. We have been blessed to have many...we will not hesitate to do that for our friend. My heart is broken for her tonight...I wish I could take her place. I cannot, but I can walk beside her. I can pray, I can believe, I can be strong.
Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Eccl. 4:9-10
Lord, let me be the kind of friend that you have blessed me with. One who will not just say, "I'm praying for you", but one who will commit to bombard heaven with petitions for healing. Help me stand in the gap for my friend. Let my vision be clear so that I might pray effectively and see Your hand when it moves.
Sometimes, when I am too close to the problem, I have a hard time "seeing" how I need to pray. I can't find the right words. If I find them, I can't get them out. I can trust God for other people, but when it comes to trusting for me, well...let's just say, it's not so easy.
Last week I posted about the possibility of Jeff's cancer beginning to grow again. Can I just tell you that we were very scared. The doctor thought that was what was happening. Jeff and I couldn't really even talk about it. It was the elephant in the room. I wanted to pray...but I couldn't find the words. I wanted to trust God, but I was so afraid. Thank God for friends during times like those. One of our friends texted me in the midst of that struggle and asked if he could arrange a prayer meeting for several area pastors to come and pray for Jeff. I said yes right away, because I knew we needed help...we no longer knew how to pray. Then, within just a few minutes, another friend reminded me that when we are close to the crisis, we need to let others who love us hold us up in prayer. It was another confirmation for me.
Over and over during the course of just a few days, friend after friend texted, messaged or called to remind us they were praying for us and for Jeff's healing. Thursday, I was sitting in the living room with Jeff and we were just being quiet...not really knowing what to say. A friend called to encourage us and share that she had been in prayer for us. After we hung up, I thanked God for so many friends who had called but honestly it worried me because I wondered if we were about to get some really bad news. Not ten minutes later, our phone rang again. This time it was Jeff's doctor who said, "Hey, I've got some good news for you! The tumors are still shrinking!" Much rejoicing followed as we gave God glory for his healing!
But on the hills of every victory, Satan is waiting to bring another trial. This time, it wasn't Jeff, it was one of my dearest friends. My friend who has stuck beside me through thick and thin. She has prayed for us and she has physically supported us. She has encouraged me and lifted me up when my spirits were low. A few weeks ago she began to experience some pain in her back. A trip to the doctor and some tests showed a large mass in her kidney. She had surgery after Christmas and had a kidney and the tumor removed. We were praying that would be the end of it. Yesterday, she had some complications and had to return to the ER. An emergency CT scan revealed that the cancer had spread. Today, her doctor confirmed that the road ahead of them will not be easy. By the end of the week, they will be at Moffitt and will be fighting a battle of their own.
They have stood alongside us for the past year and a half and encouraged us. I began calling out to God for her before I had a diagnosis...I knew from experience how hard it is to pray for yourself. Last night, we stood before our church as several pastors from other churches left there congregations to come pray for us. As they prayed, I couldn't pray for us...all I could think about was our friend. So I prayed that God would extend their prayers to cover her as well. "Lord, heal them both!"
Tonight, I spoke with my friend and she expressed the exact feelings that I have wrestled with for the last couple of weeks. That when you are close to the crisis, it is hard to believe for your miracle. You want to...but it is so hard. That is when you need friends, comrads in the faith, who will carry your burden. We have been blessed to have many...we will not hesitate to do that for our friend. My heart is broken for her tonight...I wish I could take her place. I cannot, but I can walk beside her. I can pray, I can believe, I can be strong.
Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Eccl. 4:9-10
Lord, let me be the kind of friend that you have blessed me with. One who will not just say, "I'm praying for you", but one who will commit to bombard heaven with petitions for healing. Help me stand in the gap for my friend. Let my vision be clear so that I might pray effectively and see Your hand when it moves.
Saturday, January 11, 2014
Our Journey (Miracle needed)#38
Have you ever found yourself at one of those places in life where you need something and everyone around you seems to be getting it. Normally when that happens, it upsets me...I find myself sounding like a little kid who says, "How come she gets to have that and I can't?" Recently, however, I find that my reaction is much different...I must be growing up!
See, I am in need of the miraculous. I need Jeff to be healed. I have prayed and prayed and prayed. I've researched and studied, I've hung on the doctor's words (and his body language). But I find that what I need is for God to step in and do what no man can do. To simply touch my husband and heal him.
All my life, I have believed in miracles. I've seen them happen. I've prayed for barren women to have children, and just a few weeks later learned that they were carrying a baby. I've prayed for headaches to go away and they have. When I was in college, I prayed for God to do the miraculous and get my college bill paid...He provided every penny plus 50 cents that I could buy a Coke with. I've seen him heal sick people, deliver people from addiction, restore marriages that were impossible to restore, and provide for needs in ways that could not be explained in human terms. So you cannot convince me that miracles are a figment of my imagination. I've seen them with my own eyes.
Right now, I need one! Jeff went to his oncologist on Friday for his routine chemo treatment. He always sees the doctor before the treatment. During our chat with him, he mentioned some shortness of breath and worsening of his cough. After listening to his chest, he confirmed what we suspected might be happening, the fluid on his lungs has apparently returned. He set him up for thorocentesis to be done on Monday morning, followed by a CT scan. He will then look at the scan to see if the cancer is again growing. (The presence of the fluid suggests that it could be.) If that is the case, then it means Jeff's chemo is no longer working and they will change his chemo. The side effects for the chemo's that are left for him to try are not good. He would once again lose his hair, but more importantly, nausea and joint pain would most likely return.
Friends, this is the miracle I am praying for, I hope you will join me: 1)that when they draw fluid from his lungs, they find very little and that it be not related to the cancer. 2)when they look at the CT scan, they not only see that the cancer has not grown but also that it is in fact shrinking or gone. 3)that our doctor (Dr. Bandheri) will understand that this is nothing short of a miracle and that a door will be opened for us to lead him to the Lord.
I know it's a big one...but it's not too big for our God. We've just returned from an awesome conference with InCharacter (a creative arts ministry school), and during one of the services we were near the front praying. Someone came from behind and began praying over our family and though I don't remember the whole prayer, they said this, "God, let their ordinary meet Your extra" and immediately the thought popped in my mind, "and let Your super meet our natural". We need a miracle. A SUPERNATURAL, EXTRAORDINARY move of God on our behalf.
Will you join us by calling our family's name out to God and petitioning Him on our behalf. Yes, I am anxious, but I am also anticipating this miracle. For the last year and a half He has been teaching me to trust Him and I do. Regardless of the outcome of Monday's test, I will continue to trust Him. But I will not let one waking moment between now and then pass without my crying out to Him for healing. Phillipians 4:6 reminds me to be anxious about nothing but to carry everything to Him. That is what I will do. Oh Lord, be merciful and just like You did in Ezra 8:23, hear my prayer and answer your servant... and exchange my anxiety for Your peace.
See, I am in need of the miraculous. I need Jeff to be healed. I have prayed and prayed and prayed. I've researched and studied, I've hung on the doctor's words (and his body language). But I find that what I need is for God to step in and do what no man can do. To simply touch my husband and heal him.
All my life, I have believed in miracles. I've seen them happen. I've prayed for barren women to have children, and just a few weeks later learned that they were carrying a baby. I've prayed for headaches to go away and they have. When I was in college, I prayed for God to do the miraculous and get my college bill paid...He provided every penny plus 50 cents that I could buy a Coke with. I've seen him heal sick people, deliver people from addiction, restore marriages that were impossible to restore, and provide for needs in ways that could not be explained in human terms. So you cannot convince me that miracles are a figment of my imagination. I've seen them with my own eyes.
Right now, I need one! Jeff went to his oncologist on Friday for his routine chemo treatment. He always sees the doctor before the treatment. During our chat with him, he mentioned some shortness of breath and worsening of his cough. After listening to his chest, he confirmed what we suspected might be happening, the fluid on his lungs has apparently returned. He set him up for thorocentesis to be done on Monday morning, followed by a CT scan. He will then look at the scan to see if the cancer is again growing. (The presence of the fluid suggests that it could be.) If that is the case, then it means Jeff's chemo is no longer working and they will change his chemo. The side effects for the chemo's that are left for him to try are not good. He would once again lose his hair, but more importantly, nausea and joint pain would most likely return.
Friends, this is the miracle I am praying for, I hope you will join me: 1)that when they draw fluid from his lungs, they find very little and that it be not related to the cancer. 2)when they look at the CT scan, they not only see that the cancer has not grown but also that it is in fact shrinking or gone. 3)that our doctor (Dr. Bandheri) will understand that this is nothing short of a miracle and that a door will be opened for us to lead him to the Lord.
I know it's a big one...but it's not too big for our God. We've just returned from an awesome conference with InCharacter (a creative arts ministry school), and during one of the services we were near the front praying. Someone came from behind and began praying over our family and though I don't remember the whole prayer, they said this, "God, let their ordinary meet Your extra" and immediately the thought popped in my mind, "and let Your super meet our natural". We need a miracle. A SUPERNATURAL, EXTRAORDINARY move of God on our behalf.
Will you join us by calling our family's name out to God and petitioning Him on our behalf. Yes, I am anxious, but I am also anticipating this miracle. For the last year and a half He has been teaching me to trust Him and I do. Regardless of the outcome of Monday's test, I will continue to trust Him. But I will not let one waking moment between now and then pass without my crying out to Him for healing. Phillipians 4:6 reminds me to be anxious about nothing but to carry everything to Him. That is what I will do. Oh Lord, be merciful and just like You did in Ezra 8:23, hear my prayer and answer your servant... and exchange my anxiety for Your peace.
Saturday, December 21, 2013
Our Journey #36
This week has been a crazy week! Emotions have been running high...both on Facebook and in our home! The reasons aren't the same but it occurred to me this morning that the outcome is...chaos.
This week Phil Robertson answered a question during an interview and overnight, Facebook became a battleground. First, let me say, I support Phil and believe that what he said is from the Bible and therefore true. I don't believe he said any of it maliciously or with hatred in his heart, but nonetheless he spoke the truth and sometimes the truth hurts. What has amazed me, however, is the reaction of Christians. Before you tune me out, let me say this...I do believe that we must stand up for what we believe. We must always stand up for the cause of Christ and never waver on that. That being said, I believe there are many of us who have acted this week "in the flesh" and not "by His spirit". I've read comments this week that proclaimed hatred instead of love. Some have championed the cause of "Free Speech" with such venom that they have in fact silenced their testimony to lost world that is watching the way Christians react.
Yesterday, Jeff had a chemo treatment. While we were there, a couple came in and sat beside me. I was reading at the time so I did not see their faces, just noticed that they had sat down right next to me. Soon after, one of the other patients got up to leave and as she left, she wished everyone in the room a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Several said, "Merry Christmas" back as she walked out the door. This couple next to me, however, had a different reaction. For the next several minutes, I listened as the lady "ranted" to the man about how rude it was for people to say Merry Christmas...just assuming everyone in the room was Christian. She went on to state that she didn't understand why it made people mad when she said Happy Holidays...that was her right, after all. A few minutes passed and another patient finished their treatment and rose to leave...again, wishing everyone a Merry Christmas. This time the lady, very snippily responded, "Happy Holidays".
My first reaction was, "she needs to chill"...but then I believe the Holy Spirit allowed me to see her through God's eyes. I don't know why she doesn't believe...but I know that regardless of whether she does or doesn't, He still loves her. Her remark offended me, but it didn't offend Him. See He loves us in our sin...whether we like it or not. I know this is weird but I felt the Holy Spirit prompt me to just smile at her as we left. Not to wish her or anyone else in the room anything. Just smile. My flesh wanted to say Merry Christmas and tell her all about Jesus. But my spirit said I should just shut up and smile. That wasn't nearly as instantly gratifying as a Merry Christmas would have been, but who do I put my trust in? Me or God? He was doing this long before I came on the scene so I think I'll trust Him. So as we left, I just looked at her and smiled. And she smiled back...sorta. That's it...I don't know where her story goes from there, only God does. Perhaps He'll use that smile to start something.
Starting something...that's what some of us are aiming for. But we need to pause and ask ourselves a question. What are we trying to start. A fight? A conversation? Or an opportunity to share the love of Christ? Perhaps, if we will take a moment, just a moment, to pray before we speak, what we have to say might actually be heard. Perhaps, if we allow ourselves to be led by the Spirit, He will pave the way.
I believe that Phil's remarks in His interview were Spirit led...let's be careful to make sure that our reactions are as well. Ok...enough on that...
I told you its been a crazy week...it has. On Monday one of my dearest friends found out that she has a tumor on her kidney and other masses present in the lymph nodes as well. She is facing surgery and possibly chemo/radiation. Hearing this news brought back a flood of emotions as I hurt for her and her family...knowing the fear and concern all too well. Then later this week I heard from a friend who already had learned that her cancer had returned. A follow-up visit to the doctor resulted in more bad news...a very risky surgery and more chemo/radiation are in her future. On Wednesday a friend's dad had a stroke, however thankfully by the end of the day was being deemed a miracle by his doctors. As I write this, yet another friend is facing a screening for cancer since a routine test came back abnormal. Chaos!! That's what it feels like!
This morning was the culmination of an out of control week as I found myself attempting to clean a house that has been neglected due to a crazy schedule. I was nearly to the point of hyperventilation when once again I felt the spirit nudge me to take a breath and be careful about the way I was responding to my family. Sadly, I had already snapped but quickly He brought me back into line and reminded me that a heartfelt apology goes a long way. The house is quiet now and clean...er. Still not exactly what I wanted but people are more important. The way I treat them and speak to them is important. I don't like chaos...I don't respond well to it. Jesus speaks peace to my chaos. No matter where the chaos is coming from, He always seems to be able to speak peace to my storm. He calms the winds that rage...whether it is do to an injustice or an illness or just a life that feels out of conrol...He always speaks peace. I'm glad I know the Peace Speaker.
This week Phil Robertson answered a question during an interview and overnight, Facebook became a battleground. First, let me say, I support Phil and believe that what he said is from the Bible and therefore true. I don't believe he said any of it maliciously or with hatred in his heart, but nonetheless he spoke the truth and sometimes the truth hurts. What has amazed me, however, is the reaction of Christians. Before you tune me out, let me say this...I do believe that we must stand up for what we believe. We must always stand up for the cause of Christ and never waver on that. That being said, I believe there are many of us who have acted this week "in the flesh" and not "by His spirit". I've read comments this week that proclaimed hatred instead of love. Some have championed the cause of "Free Speech" with such venom that they have in fact silenced their testimony to lost world that is watching the way Christians react.
Yesterday, Jeff had a chemo treatment. While we were there, a couple came in and sat beside me. I was reading at the time so I did not see their faces, just noticed that they had sat down right next to me. Soon after, one of the other patients got up to leave and as she left, she wished everyone in the room a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. Several said, "Merry Christmas" back as she walked out the door. This couple next to me, however, had a different reaction. For the next several minutes, I listened as the lady "ranted" to the man about how rude it was for people to say Merry Christmas...just assuming everyone in the room was Christian. She went on to state that she didn't understand why it made people mad when she said Happy Holidays...that was her right, after all. A few minutes passed and another patient finished their treatment and rose to leave...again, wishing everyone a Merry Christmas. This time the lady, very snippily responded, "Happy Holidays".
My first reaction was, "she needs to chill"...but then I believe the Holy Spirit allowed me to see her through God's eyes. I don't know why she doesn't believe...but I know that regardless of whether she does or doesn't, He still loves her. Her remark offended me, but it didn't offend Him. See He loves us in our sin...whether we like it or not. I know this is weird but I felt the Holy Spirit prompt me to just smile at her as we left. Not to wish her or anyone else in the room anything. Just smile. My flesh wanted to say Merry Christmas and tell her all about Jesus. But my spirit said I should just shut up and smile. That wasn't nearly as instantly gratifying as a Merry Christmas would have been, but who do I put my trust in? Me or God? He was doing this long before I came on the scene so I think I'll trust Him. So as we left, I just looked at her and smiled. And she smiled back...sorta. That's it...I don't know where her story goes from there, only God does. Perhaps He'll use that smile to start something.
Starting something...that's what some of us are aiming for. But we need to pause and ask ourselves a question. What are we trying to start. A fight? A conversation? Or an opportunity to share the love of Christ? Perhaps, if we will take a moment, just a moment, to pray before we speak, what we have to say might actually be heard. Perhaps, if we allow ourselves to be led by the Spirit, He will pave the way.
I believe that Phil's remarks in His interview were Spirit led...let's be careful to make sure that our reactions are as well. Ok...enough on that...
I told you its been a crazy week...it has. On Monday one of my dearest friends found out that she has a tumor on her kidney and other masses present in the lymph nodes as well. She is facing surgery and possibly chemo/radiation. Hearing this news brought back a flood of emotions as I hurt for her and her family...knowing the fear and concern all too well. Then later this week I heard from a friend who already had learned that her cancer had returned. A follow-up visit to the doctor resulted in more bad news...a very risky surgery and more chemo/radiation are in her future. On Wednesday a friend's dad had a stroke, however thankfully by the end of the day was being deemed a miracle by his doctors. As I write this, yet another friend is facing a screening for cancer since a routine test came back abnormal. Chaos!! That's what it feels like!
This morning was the culmination of an out of control week as I found myself attempting to clean a house that has been neglected due to a crazy schedule. I was nearly to the point of hyperventilation when once again I felt the spirit nudge me to take a breath and be careful about the way I was responding to my family. Sadly, I had already snapped but quickly He brought me back into line and reminded me that a heartfelt apology goes a long way. The house is quiet now and clean...er. Still not exactly what I wanted but people are more important. The way I treat them and speak to them is important. I don't like chaos...I don't respond well to it. Jesus speaks peace to my chaos. No matter where the chaos is coming from, He always seems to be able to speak peace to my storm. He calms the winds that rage...whether it is do to an injustice or an illness or just a life that feels out of conrol...He always speaks peace. I'm glad I know the Peace Speaker.
Saturday, December 14, 2013
Our Journey #35
"Learning to lean, learning to lean, I'm learning to lean on Jesus..." The words of an old song resonate in my heart this morning. Leaning isn't something that we are taught...in fact, I remember being taught the opposite, "if you have time to lean...". But leaning is a key factor in my walk with Christ and He wants me to learn to do it.
Leaning, in today's society, has a negative connotation attached to it. It implies weakness or even laziness in our fast paced, self-sufficient world. We are taught that we must learn to stand on our own, show no weakness. We are taught that to lean or rest is a waste of precious time and resources. I have found, however, that if we don't learn to lean, we will evenually crumble.
The last year and a half has been a season of leaning for us. We have had to learn to lean on friends, learn to lean on doctors, learn to NOT lean on our own understanding but more importantly, learn to lean on Jesus. God has been faithful, in every instance that He has required that we "lean" on something we don't understand, He has exceeded our expectations and met our needs in ways that better than we could have done on our own.
One of those times of leaning came over the Summer when someone that we knew casually approached me on Facebook and told me how God had laid it on her heart to bless us with a weekend getaway. Immediately, though I was touched, I had to swallow my pride. I enjoy being on the giving end, but being on the recieving end would require me to "learn to lean" and that wasn't something I was particularly interested in at the moment. Over the next few weeks, the trip was planned. I learned during the course of the planning that our friend was really having to trust God for the money to pay for the trip. God provided every penny, yet it was so hard for us to accept the gift, knowing that this family didn't have great resources. I had to learn to lean on God's better judgement...He knew where the resources would come from. I had to learn to lean on friend who had heard from God. Still, I found the whole ordeal to be a stretching of my faith and if I'm honest...very uncomfortable.
The weekend came and we spent some quality time with our kids, being able to unplug for a couple of days. We had learned shortly before the weekend that Jeff's cancer had returned so this was a time for us to just enjoy each other's company. I thought that was the end of it...but this week, God has shown me that He had an even greater purpose in that particular time of leaning.
The precious lady who provided the weekend for us, had shared with me that she was a cancer survivor and all that God had miraculously provided for her. It built my faith and helped me get through a very scary time. This week I recieved an email from her and God brought our story full circle. You see, after years of being cancer-free, she found out this week that she once again has cancer. It's not in the same place and at this point, they don't really have a good grip on the prognosis, but nevertheless, it's back. She will have to undergo chemo and most likely radiation again.
It was in this email that she said to me that she feels like God has prepared her for this battle by reading my blog and watching us fight our own battle. Wow. That blew me away. You mean because I voiced my fears and wrote about God's faithfulness, she now feels like she can face this battle? But sometimes I've just been ranting! I was leaning the whole time...but He used it to give someone else strength.
The next part of that song says, "finding more power (strength) than I'd ever dreamed..." and that is exactly where I am this morning. Rejoicing, because God has used the silly and sometimes senseless rantings of this scared and helpless servant to bring assurance and peace to someone who is on the edge of the fight of their life. Not because of my words, because they were nothing, but because His faithfulness shines in the midst of our struggle. As I have learned to lean, I am finding more power...power to help others through their struggles, power to face my own struggle, power to give pride a black eye and learn to lean even more. Oh Lord, help me get this deep inside...help me learn to lean on You.
Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. Proverbs 3:5
Leaning, in today's society, has a negative connotation attached to it. It implies weakness or even laziness in our fast paced, self-sufficient world. We are taught that we must learn to stand on our own, show no weakness. We are taught that to lean or rest is a waste of precious time and resources. I have found, however, that if we don't learn to lean, we will evenually crumble.
The last year and a half has been a season of leaning for us. We have had to learn to lean on friends, learn to lean on doctors, learn to NOT lean on our own understanding but more importantly, learn to lean on Jesus. God has been faithful, in every instance that He has required that we "lean" on something we don't understand, He has exceeded our expectations and met our needs in ways that better than we could have done on our own.
One of those times of leaning came over the Summer when someone that we knew casually approached me on Facebook and told me how God had laid it on her heart to bless us with a weekend getaway. Immediately, though I was touched, I had to swallow my pride. I enjoy being on the giving end, but being on the recieving end would require me to "learn to lean" and that wasn't something I was particularly interested in at the moment. Over the next few weeks, the trip was planned. I learned during the course of the planning that our friend was really having to trust God for the money to pay for the trip. God provided every penny, yet it was so hard for us to accept the gift, knowing that this family didn't have great resources. I had to learn to lean on God's better judgement...He knew where the resources would come from. I had to learn to lean on friend who had heard from God. Still, I found the whole ordeal to be a stretching of my faith and if I'm honest...very uncomfortable.
The weekend came and we spent some quality time with our kids, being able to unplug for a couple of days. We had learned shortly before the weekend that Jeff's cancer had returned so this was a time for us to just enjoy each other's company. I thought that was the end of it...but this week, God has shown me that He had an even greater purpose in that particular time of leaning.
The precious lady who provided the weekend for us, had shared with me that she was a cancer survivor and all that God had miraculously provided for her. It built my faith and helped me get through a very scary time. This week I recieved an email from her and God brought our story full circle. You see, after years of being cancer-free, she found out this week that she once again has cancer. It's not in the same place and at this point, they don't really have a good grip on the prognosis, but nevertheless, it's back. She will have to undergo chemo and most likely radiation again.
It was in this email that she said to me that she feels like God has prepared her for this battle by reading my blog and watching us fight our own battle. Wow. That blew me away. You mean because I voiced my fears and wrote about God's faithfulness, she now feels like she can face this battle? But sometimes I've just been ranting! I was leaning the whole time...but He used it to give someone else strength.
The next part of that song says, "finding more power (strength) than I'd ever dreamed..." and that is exactly where I am this morning. Rejoicing, because God has used the silly and sometimes senseless rantings of this scared and helpless servant to bring assurance and peace to someone who is on the edge of the fight of their life. Not because of my words, because they were nothing, but because His faithfulness shines in the midst of our struggle. As I have learned to lean, I am finding more power...power to help others through their struggles, power to face my own struggle, power to give pride a black eye and learn to lean even more. Oh Lord, help me get this deep inside...help me learn to lean on You.
Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. Proverbs 3:5
Wednesday, November 20, 2013
Our Journey (Entry #34)
Thanksgiving is just a few days around the corner and since I'm the only one awake at my house, I thought now would be a good time to post a Thanksgiving blog. Mind you, I may decide to write another one next week, but just in case!
I have so much to be thankful for this year. Most recently, we received the results of Jeff's latest CT scan and we're very happy to hear that the cancer is shrinking. The two masses in his lungs are down by 40 to 50 percent. There were several nodgules that they were looking at...and those have either disappeared, or diminished to the point that they are no longer of concern. Jeff's strength has returned and though he is not at 100%, he is feeling very well. We are thankful for this report because it reminds us that God is healing him. This is something we've believed all along but it is nice to have it confirmed from time to time.
I am thankful for my family. For my children who have endured this storm like troopers. It hasn't been easy for them to see their daddy struggle like this, but they have been great. I'm thankful that God has blessed each of them with different skill sets and talents. I pray that I am able to encourage them and set them up for the success that I believe God has in store for them.
I am thankful for my in-laws...and by the way, I hate to call them that. They are Jeff's family, but they took me in 24+ years ago and have treated me like one of them ever since. I love them and am delighted that we will get to spend a few days with them after Christmas.
I am thankful for my mother and my brothers and sisters and their families. They have been so supportive through this whole struggle and I have leaned on them greatly. It's one thing to love your family...it's another thing to enjoy spending time with them. I have to say that when we are together...whether it's the whole gang or just a couple of us, we truly enjoy each other.
I am so very, very, very thankful for my husband. He is the love of my life and everyday I am reminded of what a treasure he is. He always looks out for and protects his family. He takes care of us. He treats me like a princess. He prays for me and blesses me. He leads me. He loves me...unconditionally. I could go on and on but I could never express how truly grateful I am that God brought us together. He is my answered prayer.
I am thankful for my church. Some churches would have asked a sickly pastor to step down so they could find someone who could care for them. Our didn't. They just stepped in and loved us. They have prayed for us and many have become armor bearers in the midst of this. God has blessed us with fine folks who truly love people. Because of their faithfulness, our ministry has been able to continue without missing a beat.
I am thankful for this community. They have risen to the occassion and supported us like we never dreamed possible. They have prayed for us. Worn bracelets for us. Given financial gifts to help with medical expenses. Given of their time, talents and resources. I believe this is the greatest place on Earth!
I am thankful for friends around the world. Friends who have prayed for us and blessed us in so many ways. Friends who, think about us even when there is really nothing going on. Just because I don't post for a few weeks doesn't mean that we don't still need prayer. In fact the opposite is more true. Many times I don't post because we are so busy that I don't have time. So please keep on praying!
I am thankful for my photography business. Folks who know me, know that I LOVE the photography part...not so much on the business part. But God is teaching me and allowing me to do what I love. And I am staying busy. Thank you Jesus for every client!
When I look at my list of things I am thankful for, I don't see things...I see people. I'm gonna skip Black Friday this year...think I'll spend it with those that I am thankful for instead. Happy Thanksgiving ya'll!
I have so much to be thankful for this year. Most recently, we received the results of Jeff's latest CT scan and we're very happy to hear that the cancer is shrinking. The two masses in his lungs are down by 40 to 50 percent. There were several nodgules that they were looking at...and those have either disappeared, or diminished to the point that they are no longer of concern. Jeff's strength has returned and though he is not at 100%, he is feeling very well. We are thankful for this report because it reminds us that God is healing him. This is something we've believed all along but it is nice to have it confirmed from time to time.
I am thankful for my family. For my children who have endured this storm like troopers. It hasn't been easy for them to see their daddy struggle like this, but they have been great. I'm thankful that God has blessed each of them with different skill sets and talents. I pray that I am able to encourage them and set them up for the success that I believe God has in store for them.
I am thankful for my in-laws...and by the way, I hate to call them that. They are Jeff's family, but they took me in 24+ years ago and have treated me like one of them ever since. I love them and am delighted that we will get to spend a few days with them after Christmas.
I am thankful for my mother and my brothers and sisters and their families. They have been so supportive through this whole struggle and I have leaned on them greatly. It's one thing to love your family...it's another thing to enjoy spending time with them. I have to say that when we are together...whether it's the whole gang or just a couple of us, we truly enjoy each other.
I am so very, very, very thankful for my husband. He is the love of my life and everyday I am reminded of what a treasure he is. He always looks out for and protects his family. He takes care of us. He treats me like a princess. He prays for me and blesses me. He leads me. He loves me...unconditionally. I could go on and on but I could never express how truly grateful I am that God brought us together. He is my answered prayer.
I am thankful for my church. Some churches would have asked a sickly pastor to step down so they could find someone who could care for them. Our didn't. They just stepped in and loved us. They have prayed for us and many have become armor bearers in the midst of this. God has blessed us with fine folks who truly love people. Because of their faithfulness, our ministry has been able to continue without missing a beat.
I am thankful for this community. They have risen to the occassion and supported us like we never dreamed possible. They have prayed for us. Worn bracelets for us. Given financial gifts to help with medical expenses. Given of their time, talents and resources. I believe this is the greatest place on Earth!
I am thankful for friends around the world. Friends who have prayed for us and blessed us in so many ways. Friends who, think about us even when there is really nothing going on. Just because I don't post for a few weeks doesn't mean that we don't still need prayer. In fact the opposite is more true. Many times I don't post because we are so busy that I don't have time. So please keep on praying!
I am thankful for my photography business. Folks who know me, know that I LOVE the photography part...not so much on the business part. But God is teaching me and allowing me to do what I love. And I am staying busy. Thank you Jesus for every client!
When I look at my list of things I am thankful for, I don't see things...I see people. I'm gonna skip Black Friday this year...think I'll spend it with those that I am thankful for instead. Happy Thanksgiving ya'll!
Sunday, November 3, 2013
Our Journey Post #33
It's funny how God orders our steps sometimes. We think our direction is this way...when He says, Nope, it's that way. Kinda like a divine GPS that is never wrong. A couple of years ago, I picked up a TomTom on a Black Friday and soon found a really funny "George W" voice for it. I love having George W. guide me on trips, because he would say things like "bear left...but I don't know what kinda bear it is...a brown bear or a grizzly bear." Problem was, many times George would not take the route I wanted so I would force him to recalcuate the route. Faithfully, he would do it - whether it was the best way or not. I've grown so accustomed to being able to demand that the route be recalculated that when God ordered my steps in a way that I didn't want to go, I once again demanded...RECALCULATE!!! Guess what...God (unlike George) doesn't take orders from me!
When life began to take a turn that I didn't like, I screamed, "Recalculate!" When it appeared that no one was listening, I tried to force a plan change by making a turn in the opposite direction. But God, in His infinte wisdom has my every step planned out...even the ones that will take me down a difficult road. It is usually during the "wrong turns" that I learn the most and I decide that trusting Him isn't so bad afterall.
Recently, I questioned why we have to go this way. Why does it have to be cancer? And why does it have to be a cancer that is life threatening? There is one thing I have to say though...even when I don't understand the way He is taking me, I know that He will not lead me wrong and He will walk every step of the way with me. Not only that, but He goes before me and comes behind me!
Last Wednesday, Jeff was rescanned to see how his body is responding to chemo. This is the first scan that I haven't had scan-xiety over. I can't explain it but I know God is in control of the outcome of that scan. We have prayed. We believe that the scan will show healing. We are trusting God for a miracle. But we understand who orders every step we take.
Many of you have said that I need to change the way I talk about Jeff's healing and begin speaking of it as if we already have proof. I understand that. I do believe he is healed. However, I also believe that God intends for us to walk EVERY step of this route He has planned for us. He doesn't intend for us to walk it alone but every step is important. Please don't think our faith is failing when we don't claim the unseen in every post. We believe with all our hearts that he is going to be healed or possibly has already been healed. But we cannot discount the people that He has allowed our paths to cross...people that we have been able to minister to, all because Jeff has cancer. What if we had been able to order God to recalculate from the beginning? We never would've walked a single cancer step. That would've been great for us...but what about the people who we've been able to minister to? See, God ordered our steps to meet theirs...at just the right time.
The things we go through in life...hardships, heartache, triumphs, victory and trials. The steps of a righteous man are ordered of the Lord...even when those steps go through rough places.
Friday, we will see the oncologist again and Jeff will have another chemo treatment. He will give us the results of the scan and we will continue walking. Our steps are already ordered. Only God knows what the direction is that we will go...we will trust Him. We appreciate your prayers and so many of you who walk this journey with us.
When life began to take a turn that I didn't like, I screamed, "Recalculate!" When it appeared that no one was listening, I tried to force a plan change by making a turn in the opposite direction. But God, in His infinte wisdom has my every step planned out...even the ones that will take me down a difficult road. It is usually during the "wrong turns" that I learn the most and I decide that trusting Him isn't so bad afterall.
Recently, I questioned why we have to go this way. Why does it have to be cancer? And why does it have to be a cancer that is life threatening? There is one thing I have to say though...even when I don't understand the way He is taking me, I know that He will not lead me wrong and He will walk every step of the way with me. Not only that, but He goes before me and comes behind me!
Last Wednesday, Jeff was rescanned to see how his body is responding to chemo. This is the first scan that I haven't had scan-xiety over. I can't explain it but I know God is in control of the outcome of that scan. We have prayed. We believe that the scan will show healing. We are trusting God for a miracle. But we understand who orders every step we take.
Many of you have said that I need to change the way I talk about Jeff's healing and begin speaking of it as if we already have proof. I understand that. I do believe he is healed. However, I also believe that God intends for us to walk EVERY step of this route He has planned for us. He doesn't intend for us to walk it alone but every step is important. Please don't think our faith is failing when we don't claim the unseen in every post. We believe with all our hearts that he is going to be healed or possibly has already been healed. But we cannot discount the people that He has allowed our paths to cross...people that we have been able to minister to, all because Jeff has cancer. What if we had been able to order God to recalculate from the beginning? We never would've walked a single cancer step. That would've been great for us...but what about the people who we've been able to minister to? See, God ordered our steps to meet theirs...at just the right time.
The things we go through in life...hardships, heartache, triumphs, victory and trials. The steps of a righteous man are ordered of the Lord...even when those steps go through rough places.
Friday, we will see the oncologist again and Jeff will have another chemo treatment. He will give us the results of the scan and we will continue walking. Our steps are already ordered. Only God knows what the direction is that we will go...we will trust Him. We appreciate your prayers and so many of you who walk this journey with us.
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