Our Journey #17

January 22, 2013

Today was a milestone in our journey.   Jeff had his last chemo treatment.   Our doctor seemed very pleased with his progress.  He listened to his lungs and noted that they sound wonderful.  He told Jeff that he wants him back on the golf course, playing as much as possible, as soon as possible.  Music to my husband's ears (and honestly, it was quite melodious to me as well).  But as this day came to an end, I realized that this is where faith must really kick in.

Up til now, we have been actively doing everything we know to do to beat this monster called cancer.   We've done radiation, chemo, dietary changes, vitamin supplements, and even Xango juice.   I've researched until I feel that I could apply for med school...well, maybe for something in the medical field!!  

But now, we must wait.   Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers said it best...the waiting is the hardest part (and yes, I had to Google to see who sang it...Jeff is already in bed and my friend Katie, who would be my other "phone-a-friend" for music trivia has moved off to Chicago!)  Seriously, I suspect that this is the part that the majority of cancer patients struggle with the most.  Waiting to see if the treatment worked.   

Well, today, God has given me several confirmations that I can trust Him...He's got this.  As our world watched the debacle of an inauguration, I was once again reminded that God is in control.   Even though there were outright attempts made to leave Him out of today's celebration, I am reminded that He is sovereign and that He is still God even when governments turn away from Him.   Man cannot control Him.   And Satan and all His schemes is not even close to being a match for Him.  I know it may sound strange that I would find any encouragement in today's events...but I did.   I believe I was encouraged because it reminded me that God's word is true.   In John16:33 Jesus says  “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."  Whether it is political unrest or cancer or financial collapse...that is a promise that I can cling to!!  

God gave me another scripture today..But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.  Isaiah 40:31.  As I read that, I knew that God was preparing me for the wait.   It's time to wait on Him...to trust Him...to HOPE in Him (as the NIV says).   And as we do, He will renew our strength...I believe He is healing every cell in Jeff's body.   It says that we will mount up with wings like eagles.   Eagles soar...have you ever watched one in flight?   They soar high...up above the worries and concerns of earth.   And eagles have large, strong wings...I believe that what He has for us is unbelievably majestic and graceful...like the wings of an eagle.    They shall run and not be weary...reminds me that we are in a race and that the prize that awaits us is worth every step...let us not grow weary!   Dr. Bandheri told Jeff today...I'd like to see you running that golf course...I believe it's possible!   They shall walk and not faint...many times, in this walk, we have felt like we would faint.  Yet, even when it seemed we couldn't take another step, we could feel His gentle encouragement and His promise that He wouldn't let us faint.  Sometimes, it came through a God sent doctor, who placed his hand on his patient and prayed to a God who could do what man was incapable of doing.   Sometimes, it came through a meal, or a card, or a gift, or a phone call, or a note written by a sweet little girl.    But the encouragement always came...and the fainting never did.

So now the waiting begins...I won't promise that I won't worry from time to time.   I'm sure it will get me at times.   Cancer patients have a term they use for the time leading up to the rescans...they call it scanxiety.   Well, all I can says is that when I feel it, I plan to give it to God.  He says, "Cast all your cares on me..."  That's an offer I plan to take Him up on.   

Please keep us in your prayers over the next few weeks.   I will continue to post...I'm not out of words yet!!!  (Ha!  Just when you thought it was safe!!!)   Believe with us for this miracle.   We serve a wonderful, mighty God...nothing is impossible for Him.  Teach me, Lord...Teach me, Lord, to wait.

Our Journey #16

December 30, 2012

2012 is drawing to an end.   I've been going through old pictures today...feeling a bit nostalgic.   Jeff had his 5th chemo treatment on Wednesday, so that put him out for the bigger part of today.   So, I've just been thinking over the last year and pondering all the changes that we faced.    Our year started out a little rough, but sometimes that comes with being in ministry...you just have to learn to roll with the punches.   Easter was on us before we knew it and Jeff turned 50!   Summer rolled around and it seemed like it was over before it began.    Then September came and everything seemed to come to a screeching, grinding halt.   

It's amazing how fast your life can completely change.   Everything, your perspective, your priorities, your dreams, your needs, your wants...everything.    One of our oncologists (I'm not sure which one because I was still in the blurry stage), told us early on that this cancer has probably been in Jeff's body for 10-15 years.   Just a tiny cell or two...then one day, something triggered it to start growing in his body.   So today, as I looked over old pictures, I found myself looking for the cancer.   I know...that's crazy!   You can't see it in a photograph.   But I found myself looking at each picture and wondering, "was it growing here...or here?"    

I couldn't see the cancer, but what I did see took my breath away.    I saw a love that has endured many trials and tribulations.   Some we caused by our own stupidity...some that came at the hand of others...some, a result of an attack from an evil enemy.      I saw dreams that we've dreamed together, yet somehow long ago forgotten many of them.   I saw determination to make it...even when the odds weren't stacked in our favor.  I saw a family of imperfect people who were knitted together perfectly by a perfect God.   What I saw was my everything...

Tomorrow we will celebrate as he takes his last radiation treatment.   I must admit, it's a little bittersweet.   We've formed relationships with the people we've come in contact with there.   His doctor, who is a fellow believer, and who I believe was sent to us straight from God.   His nurse, who can give it back to Jeff as fast as he can dish it out...how I love to see them banter back and forth!   His two radiation techs who zap him every day.   They take such good care of him and I think he'd bring them home with us if they'd come.   The receptionist who greets us everyday as we come in...the volunteers who call him back for treatment.   And then there are the other patients who we sit with while waiting for treatment.   The sweet couple from Perry...this isn't their first go around.   The couple from Kinard...who somehow turned out to be related to Donnie Pitts and therefore have given us much to chat about!    The sweet little lady who comes in by herself everyday, and always looks perfect...but you know that somewhere in her body cancer is raging.   The precious lady who I've just recently met, she's recently divorced and is now battling cancer.   She is a believer and I know that God sent her as an encouragement to me and He sent me as an encouragement to her.   The "grumpy" man who cracks me up every day...he always comes out with 2 robes on...only to return from treatment with one on and the other in his hand.    The lady who reminds me so much of Jeff's grandmother...she just finished her treatment recently...she always had hugs for everyone.     So many people we've encountered...I just wish we would've met them somewhere else!

Last year, at this time, I was worried about petty things that I had no control over.   I never could have imagined all that was on our horizon for 2012.   But I did know that no matter what would come our way, God would be with us.   That is the promise that He gives us..."I will never leave you or forsake you".   As I looked at each picture, I couldn't see cancer...but I could see God with us.   God with us...through every valley, through every fear.     He doesn't always promise us that the outcome will be what we want or that the road will be easy.   But He does promise that He will be with us.    He's with us when fear attempts to raise its ugly head and doubts begin to fill my mind.   He's with us when the toll of treatment renders my strapping husband weak and feeling helpless.   He's with us when we can't see tomorrow for the mountain we are climbling today.   He is with us.

As we walk into that final treatment tomorrow...He will go with us...oh how I hope everyone can see Him!!!   I pray that they can see Him in everything we do.   That hit me today...He's been with me all along...I've felt Him and I know this beyond a shadow of a doubt.   Have others been able to see Him?   That is truly my hope...in everything I do, Lord...let my life glorify You.    

So as 2012 ends and 2013 begins, I have hopes and dreams, concerns and fears...but I also have a promise.   God is with us!   I can think of no greater thing!

Our Journey #15

December 23, 2012

It's almost Christmas!   My favorite time of the year and though we have always been blessed to have awesome Christmases, this year it just seems a little sweeter.   All month long, Jeff has been preaching a sermon series on the gifts of Christmas.   All day long, I have been preparing an endless array of gifts for friends and family and even doctors!    So, all this talk about gifts got me to thinking...thinking about the many gifts we've been blessed with this year.   

We have been blessed with an incredible gift of peace in the midst of a storm that we never saw coming.   It was upon us before we knew it and we found ourselves reeling with each crashing wave...yet in the middle of all, Jesus spoke peace to our storm and gave us a calm that cannot be explained.

We have been given the gift of forgiveness.   Not only forgiveness for our sins, although that is of upmost importance, but this year we have forgiven others and been forgiven by others.    This kind of reconciliation can come only through the love of Christ at work in us.   This year, we found ourselves realizing that hurt feelings were minor offenses that God could and desired to heal.   Life is far too important for us to walk around mad at those who have offended us.  The more we have forgiven, the more we realize that we too, need that same forgiveness.  Even though I can't at this point say that every relationship is healed and restored, I can say that as for what I can control...all is forgiven.  I also believe that it is just a matter of time before God restores every relationship...and this year I've learned that His timing is always better than mine.

We have been given the gift of family.   No family is perfect.  We all have skeletons that we'd rather not let out...yes, even families in the ministry (especially families in the ministry).   This year, more than ever before, we have learned how important family is.  Both our extended family and our immediate family have become extremely dear to us.  Each one is a treasure...yet somehow we had taken our family for granted.   We found that our fuse was shorter when it came to family...that our tempers were hotter...and that we didn't say I love you nearly enough.   All that changed this year.   God helped us put family back in its proper place and helped us gain a new appreciation for them.   Our children, though they may not be perfect, are really good kids for the most part.    Yes, we have the typical headaches that any family with teens and young adults  have, but my kids (each in their own way) make us very proud.   When faced with a life changing diagnosis, they we shocked and scared...but then each one has risen to the occassion and found ways to help out.   This Christmas morning will be different for us...we've realized that the best presents don't fit under a tree!

This may sound very strange to you, but I believe we were given the gift of cancer this year.   AND NO, I don't want Jeff or anyone else to have cancer...I hate cancer...let's get that straight.   Here's what I mean...Jeff's life could've ended with a pulmonary embolism...we never would've even had a chance to say goodbye.    His cancer could've been so far gone that we wouldn't even get a chance to fight.   The embolism didn't take him out, and God gave us chance to fight because it is a gift.   He has allowed me the opportunity to reach countless people through this whole ordeal.   He has opened new doors of ministry that never would've been opened if not for that fateful diagnosis.   He has allowed a community to watch my husband display a strength that can only come from God as he battles this terrible disease.   He has allowed us to meet and interact with medical professionals and has used us to touch them in ways that wouldn't have been possible 6 months ago.   As we pray and believe that God will heal Jeff, we are ever mindful that nothing happens in a believers life by chance...the steps of a righteous man are ordered by the Lord!   This year, God ordered that we walk through the valley of cancer...we choose to be thankful in all things.

We have been given a gift of an incredible love.   After 23 years of marriage, I can honestly say that each day I fall more in love with this man than I ever dreamed possible.   I look at him on stage, and I think...that's MY man!   I have worked side by side with him in ministry...and yet I still miss him if we have to be apart.  I've seen him be gentle with those who need a gentle hand and I've seen him be more firm when needed. I've learned to appreciate and respect his judgement...he truly loves his flock.    I find myself getting aggrevated with couples who vow to love each other "til death do us part" and then throw it all away because they "fell out of love".   Then I remember, that we, too, once took our love for granted.   We didn't cherish each other and as a result we weren't always very nice to each other.    It took a conscience effort on both our parts to find our way back to our gift.   This gift is more amazing than all the other gifts...but make no mistake...it is not an effortless gift.   It is one that we must work at everyday, however, the more you work on it, the easier it gets and the more amazing it becomes.  

Christmas morning will not reveal big gifts under our tree.   We have what we need.   I'll make our traditional pancake breakfast and we will catch movie together.   But this Christmas, there will be something different.   We will pause...we will appreciate...we will laugh...we will love...we will give thanks and we will remember God's gift...His son, Jesus Christ.  Then, we will give that gift away...again, and again, and again...afterall, He really is the reason for the season and He is the greatest gift of all!    

Our Journey #14

December 10, 2012

I don't really know where to start this note...my mind is racing in a hundred million different directions.   I find myself experiencing so many different emotions that I fear that mear human words will not truly convey what is on my heart.    This past week has been a crazy torrent of trials and victories and obstacles...I feel like I'm on a white water raft!  It all started with Jeff having his 4th chemo treatment last Monday.   He was originally scheduled for the treatment a week earlier but due to a low platelet count, had to wait a week.   Since the place where I have my annual mammogram done is one floor below his chemo bay, I decided to be a good girl and book my scan to be done during his treatment.    The scan took only a few minutes and I met him in the bay to finish out his 3 hour treatment.   Tuesday, came and things appeared to be going smashingly...he went back for his post chemo shot that makes him feel awful...but we were still able to go to Abbi's Christmas band concert and enjoy that.   Wednesday, we headed in for our daily radiation appointment and met with the nutritionist.  She noted that he had begun to loose weight and gave us some tips for the sore throat that he was beginning to notice.  And everything from that moment to this has been a blur...   

Almost immediately after leaving the radiation office, Jeff began to have trouble swallowing.  Actually, he was having trouble before but I wasn't aware of it.  By Wednesday evening, he was feeling awful but insisted on going to church and preaching.   Thursday, things only grew worse.   His ability to swallow even liquids was not great and coupled with nausea...well, he quickly grew weak.   On our way to the radiation appointment, my phone rang and it was a number I didn't recognize.    I answered, only to find that it was the mammogram folks wanting me to come back in for a second scan and a possible ultrasound...are you kidding me????   Fear struck my heart...how would I ever break the news to my kids if this turned out bad?    I made an appointment for the next day and we continued on in silence.   Jeff was obviously worried about me...I was worried about him...we were both worried about our kids.  Friday morning came and Jeff was so weak, I knew he'd never make it into the radiation office...there's no way I could ask him to stay for my appointment, too.   Radiation didn't take long, but then they wanted to re-scan him...we are halfway through his radiation and they want to see if the treatment area can be diminished.   The worst part about these scans is I can't go back with him...I just have to sit and wait.   So wait, I did.   Thirty minutes later, he emerged with encouraging news...the larger tumor had shrunk by an additional 10%...the 2 smaller tumors are down by 50%.   Woo Hoo!   And it looked like I still had time to get him home and come back for my re-scan...something he didn't want me to do but was too weak to fight me on.

Once I had him safely tucked in bed, I returned to get my scan.   Now if the first scan wasn't uncomfortable enough, they amped up the second one just for me!   I just kept telling myself...they have to be thorough...you WANT them to be thorough, Libby!   The tech finished the scan and told me to stay put while she & the Dr. reviewed the results...in case they needed that ultrasound.    She returned a few minutes later with a smile and a, "You're free to go, all done!".   Another Woo Hoo!  I returned home to tell Jeff...and found him weaker still.   He had a wedding rehearsal to do on Friday evening and a wedding on Saturday.    With each passing moment his strength just seemed to float out of his body.  He wasn't eating and was barely drinking.    He made it through the rehearsal and we prayed for a better Saturday.   Saturday came, but his strength did not return.   He did manage to do the wedding but had to leave immediately afterward to go rest.   We began to pray that his strength would return for Sunday services.   He had 2 baby dedications planned for the a.m. service so that meant families would be there waiting.   There was NO WAY I would be able to talk him into sitting this one out.  So I got him ready  and drove a very weak husband to church.    He not only did the baby dedications but managed to preach an awesome message, even if he did have to do it from a stool.   I sat in my seat on the front row and thought how blessed I am to call him my husband.   He gives everything he has to serve the Lord...not for personal gain, but because that is what he is called to do.  

As we reported for his daily radiation treatment this morning, my big strapping husband was as weak as I've ever seen him.    He was downcast and his spirits were low.   Wondering if he should even continue treatment, he voiced his concerns to me.   He stepped on the scales and we found that he had dropped 15 lbs in the last week...no wonder he is drained and weak.    A few hours later and he had recieved some IV fluids and a pain medication to help him swallow more easily.   And the sweetest thing happened as we shared our concerns with our Radiation Oncologist...he put his hand on Jeff's shoulder, bowed his head and began to pray over him.     It wasn't an elaborate prayer, just a simple plea for God to help him through this most difficult time of his treatment.   I'm happy to report that he has eaten 2 (small) meals today.   He is stronger and appears to be beginning to come out of it.    He has about 14 radiation treatments left and 2 chemo treatments.   We are continuing to pray for a total healing and to thank God for every blessing.   

I don't understand the majority of what is happening to us, but I do understand that we serve a God who is complete control.    I trust Him to meet our needs.    I ask that when you think of us, pray for him.  Pray for God to heal him completely.   I know that many of you already do that and we are so grateful.   Pray for our testimony to be one that points people to Jesus.    As we go into this season that celebrates the birth of Christ, let us not become so focused on our on fraility that we forget to point others to Him!    To God Be The Glory!

2

Our Journey #13

November 18, 2012

Sometimes when I pray, my words run out...does that ever happen to you?   I mean, it seems that my vocabulary just isn't adequate enough to express what's in my heart.  This morning was one of those mornings.   Today is Sunday and Jeff has been very sick since Thursday night.  Let me back up a bit...Thursday, on the way home from his radiation treatment, he began feeling awful.   By Thursday night he was running a fever and had chills.   Fevers are not good for cancer patients, so I called his oncologist.   His oncologist called in an antibiotic for him and shortly after taking it, his fever broke...but then began the nausea.   Fast forward to today...he's still very sick.   I drove him to his radiation appointment at the crack of dawn, and he was so sick the whole way there.   When we made it back to the church, he went straight to his office and laid down. 

Those of you who know Jeff know that this means he is very sick.  We've been married 23 years and I've NEVER seen him do this.   So I go on into praise team rehersal and then into our pre-service prayer time.   I sat there and prayed for Jeff and for him to have the strength to preach, but honestly I was struggling to reign in my thoughts.   I found myself becoming very frustrated.  Frustrated with myself for not being able to think straight.  Frustrated with others for whining or not being dedicated, or having their own agenda or well, I really didn't need a reason...just frustrated.  I even found myself frustrated with God.   

So back to my prayer time.  When I found that I couldn't concentrate, I did what I always do...I said, "OK, God, guess you'll have to talk to me."  I pulled up Youversion on my phone and began reading in John 14.    "Do not let your hearts be troubled.  Trust in God' trust also in me." verse 1.   I read through the whole chapter and again, toward the end of the chapter, a verse caught my attention.  "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you.  I do not give to you as the world gives.  Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." verse 27.  There it was again!   It was almost as if the words (or rather one word) was leaping off the page at me.   The word LET.   Another word for let is allow or permit.   It implies that I have control over my thought life.   "Do not let"...that means He's commanding me to command my heart!  Do not "let", "allow", "permit" your heart (to) be troubled. Trust in God.   Do not be afraid.

Suddenly, I realized that I had a choice to make.   I could continue to be frustrated, upset, TROUBLED...or I could command my heart to get in line with God's word.   I could command my heart to TRUST GOD.   I could command my heart to NOT BE AFRAID.   I could command my heart to stop being troubled.   The choice was mine.   I began to worship my God and one by one, my troubles began to fade.

I wish I could tell you that Jeff started feeling better.   He didn't.  In fact, he is worse tonight.  He missed the evening service...something he never does.   Everytime I look at him, my heart vies for control again.  It says, be afraid.   It says, don't trust.   It says, be frustrated.   But, what I learned this morning is that the choice is mine...do not LET your hearts be troubled!   

I'm not the sharpest crayon in the box, but I know when God speaks to me...this morning He spoke to me.   So tonight, although my husband lies in our bed and is sicker than I've ever seen him, I will NOT LET my heart be troubled.    Although I am at my wits end, wanting to help him but utterly helpless as to what I can do, I will NOT LET my heart be troubled.   Although people fail to live up to my expectations, I will NOT LET my heart be troubled.   Although friends forsake me, I will NOT LET my heart be troubled.   Although God's time table, doesn't line up with mine,  I will NOT LET my heart be troubled.   And when I disappoint myself...I will NOT LET my heart be troubled.   

My God is trustworthy...so I WILL trust Him.  Period.  End of Sentence.  This song came to mind, so I thought I'd just share the lyrics with you as I close.

"Turn your eyes upon Jesus.

Look full in his wonderful face.

And the things of earth will grow strangely dim

In the light of His glory and grace."

STOP LOOKING AT YOUR PROBLEM...LOOK AT THE PROBLEM SOLVER...AND DO NOT LET YOUR HEART BE TROUBLED!

Our Journey #12

November 8, 2012

If I have learned anything during our battle with cancer, its this...expect change.  Expect a change of emotions.  Expect a change of treatment. Expect a change in your schedule.  Expect a change in your lifestyle.  Expect a change in your priorities.  Expect a change of perspective.   Everything is about to change.  

The fair is in town and this week has been an emotional rollercoaster for me.  Highs, lows and fast curves, it feels like.  To be honest, I've always be more of a Merry-Go-Round kinda girl!   It started Monday with trip to the chemo dr and a chemo treatment.   I happened to mention a little cough to him and poof...xray!  Jeff had just endured 2 hrs of chemo and was ready for lunch...he was not happy with me and my big mouth.   Tuesday, he had to return to get a shot to boost his white blood cells...and the nurse tells him that it will make him feel "fluish" for 24 hours.  Great!   She also gave him the results from the xray...the mass in his lung was still there and "similar in size".  Double great (dripping with sarcasm!)   Wednesday, her words were proven true as he felt terrible all day.  He preached Wednesday night sitting down and it was obvious he felt bad.   Today was our scheduled meeting with the radiation oncologist and rescan day.   

Now, I have to tell you that when I read those xray results on Tuesday, it took my breath away.   We've been praying for the tumor to diminish or just be gone and we have believed God for the impossible.   So, I did the only thing I knew to do...I took it to the Lord and I called on some of my prayer warriors to do the same.  We began to pray for God to touch Jeff and change those results.   Yesterday, during one of his naps, I was praying over him.  I found myself begging God to spare him.  To just touch him...I believe that is all it would take...just like the woman with the issue of blood, if we could just touch the hem of his garment.   I felt in my spirit God asking me if I really believed that He would heal him.  I replied, yes.   Again, He asked me if I believed Him...again, I replied yes, I believe.   A third time He asked me the same question and for the third time my reply was yes (although I was beginning to wonder if maybe I didn't believe and that was why I was being asked 3 times).  Suddenly I heard the words in my spirit...Well then, BELIEVE!   So I purposed that I would do just that.   I would believe God for his healing touch on Jeff.   I would believe God for hope.   I would believe God, not because I have great faith, but because He is faithful.

This morning we started out and barely spoke on the way to the doctors office.    They came in and called him back...I would need to wait in the waiting room for this one.   I sat there and buried myself in God's word.   It was the only place I felt safe.   I read how God delivered David from the enemy's hand again and again.   Even when he was as close as a breath, and his entourage outnumbered David's...God did the impossible and delivered him.   I began to ask God for hope...I specifically asked that it not be a false hope, but that if God intended to bring us through this to give us some hope.   Soon, Jeff reappeared and motioned for us to go.   We walked silently to the parking lot...I was afraid to ask how it went.    Finally, I mustered an ounce of courage and asked.   Well, wouldn't you know it, the tumor has diminished by atleast 20-30% and it appears that it could be a little more from certain angles.   Radiation treatments begin on Wednesday.    HOPE!   Didn't I just ask for that?   Why did it suprise me so much?   Oh me of little faith!   

Ok, so that was good news, right?  So why didn't my husband look happy about it?   Well, I think there are many reasons.   One, we had really prayed that the cancer would be gone...that's what we were hoping for.   Two, he now has to do radiation...he is not happy about that.   Three, the results of chemo are kicking in...he feels awful.   There are more, but you get the picture.   So we go from happy that God has given us hope, to disappointed that we will still have to do radiation through the holidays.   Big swoosh...that might have even been the loopty loop!   

Tonight, my heart is light and heavy at the same time.  Light, because I know God answered my prayer this morning.  There is not a doubt in my mind about that.   Heavy, because my husband is in a low place...a place that he has helped many others through, but struggles to find his way through it now.   Last night, he admitted that his faith has been shaken this week.   Not his faith in God, but his faith that his healing will come.   That is why it is so important that we don't pull away from our brothers and sisters in Christ during these times.   We bear each other's burdens.  We pray for each other, we encourage each other, we stand in the gap if we must and we prop our brothers and sisters up until they can stand on their own again.   We are so grateful that we have friends who have prayed for us, fasted for us and who are willing to drop everything and come to us if need be.   

I guess the one thing I like most about roller coasters is that the ride doesn't last forever.   This trial is crazy, with wild curves and high victories followed by low valleys, but we will come through it...it will not last forever.  I am thankful that God gives me glimpses of hope right when I need them...just so I can keep going.    Tonight, I saw a shooting star on my way home...it was bright and had a long tail.  When I saw it, it reminded me that God knows where every star is, even the shooting ones.   He knows when star falls from its place.   He knows everything about us...he is still in control.   He knows exactly what we need to go through so that our testimony will be what He needs it to be.   Lord, help us not to grumble and complain,  help us to trust You, help us to glorify You!  (And ps...you can get me off this roller coaster anytime...I won't mind!)

3

Our Journey #11

November 5, 2012

It's been several days since I've posted last.   Today, Jeff had his 3rd chemo treatment.   For the most part, he is feeling good and we are thankful for that.    We made sure to vote early so he won't have to be around a ton of people tomorrow.   Thursday he will be rescanned and prepped for radiation.   We are praying that the tumor has either shrunk or disappeared completely.    Tonight, as our country is on edge, waiting for the outcome of tomorrow's election...I find myself holding my breath and hoping for good results on Thursday.  

Even as I say that, I am reminded that God is already in my tomorrow.   He goes before me and I should not fear.   I think one of my earlier posts was dedicated to fear or rather my victory over it.  So tonight, I just wanted to remind myself that I should not fear.   First, when I think about all the things that had to happen in order for Jeff to even get a diagnosis in the first place, I KNOW GOD IS IN CONTROL.  Then when I think about the mountains that He's already moved for us, I KNOW GOD IS IN CONTROL and I  am reminded that He is concerned about our every need.

God's word has become alive to me in a new way throughout this ordeal.   He gave me this passage early on in this and once again today, He has reminded me that it is true:

Psalm 91

1 He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.

2 I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.”

3 Surely he will save you from the fowler's snare and from the deadly pestilence.

4 He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.

5 You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day,

6 nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday.

7 A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you.

8 You will only observe with your eyes and see the punishment of the wicked.

9 If you make the Most High your dwelling— even the Lord, who is my refuge—

10 then no harm will befall you, no disaster will come near your tent.

11 For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways;

12 they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.

13 You will tread upon the lion and the cobra; you will trample the great lion and the serpent.

14 “Because he loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.

15  He will call upon me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him.

16  With long life will I satisfy him and show him my salvation.”

Verse 5 and verses 14 through 16 have become my mantra!   I rehearse them over and over and over in my head.  Along with it, I rehearse the many ways He has met every need.   Sometimes, when you are overwhelmed by the "what if's", you just need to stop and rehearse!   Rehearse His word...say it over and over and over until it gets in you...and rehearse His blessings...what has he brought you through to get you to this point?   So tomorrow, and Wednesday and in the days that follow where Jeff doesn't feel well and I have to fight that fear away again, I will rehearse God's word and His goodness.  He has never failed me, he's not going to start now.

For those of you who are fretting over the election tonight, let me remind you that God is already in tomorrow.   Regardless of who is elected tomorrow, He is sovreign and He is in control.  As Christians, we must remember that.   Yes, we have a responsibility to do our part and vote, but ultimately, God is in control.  "He changes times and seasons; he sets up kings and deposes them. He gives wisdom to the wise and knowledge to the discerning." Daniel 2:21

I'm telling my heart tonight to be still...be still and know that He is God...I think that applys to a lot of folks tonight!   So, hey you...BE STILL!

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