April 29, 2013
It's been more than a month since my last post. I've had much to say but unfortunately, I've let a busy schedule keep me from posting. Tonight I am burning the midnight oil...not by choice. I'm nursing a bum shoulder (I've self-diagnosed it to be some kind of rotator cuff issue...hoping I'm wrong and it's just a pulled muscle.) Anyway, the shoulder is keeping me from finding a comfortable resting position, so I am up and I figured this would be a good time to post.
Later this week, Jeff will go back in for a follow-up scan to see is the cancer is still shrinking. We are praying for it to be gone, proving the Dr's wrong as we were told that it is scientifically impossible for this cancer to be gone 100%. They don't know our God! I'm asking everyone to join us in prayer this week for complete healing.
I'm finding my spirit agitated tonight...perhaps even a little irrated. I'm asking God to help me with these feelings...giving them to Him as I've done so many times before. This morning, in Jeff's message, he talked about the faith of a child. The way a child trusts his father to catch him, the way he trusts that his needs will be met. I've been meditating all day on that one little juicy morsel and realizing that God wants me to trust Him just that completely. To be able to say to Him, "We are facing things that are unknown and scarey, but we KNOW that we need not worry...You are there." I've found that saying it and doing it are two different things. I say it often, I even believe it...but doing it...well that's a horse of a different color.
Why is that, I wonder? Why don't I just close my eyes and leap into His arms? He has never failed me and I know that He is there. Still, I find myself perplexed by the time that I spend worrying about things that I cannot control. Uggggh!
I've made up my mind though...I want to do more than just say I trust Him...I'm putting my faith into action. I trust Him with my feelings. Afterall, He knows that I struggle with feelings of rejection and fear...only He can take those feelings and turn them into wholeness. I trust Him with my health...whether it's my struggle with asthma or a bum shoulder or my husband's cancer, He can handle every issue. I trust Him with my family. He loves them even more than I do...how can I not trust Him? I trust Him with my future, He holds it in His hands.
I'm not there yet...everyday, I'm learning to trust Him more. I'm quite sure that tomorrow I will find myself giving my anxiety to Him again...and the next day...and the next. Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus, just to take Him at His word. Just to rest upon His promise, just to know, thus saith the Lord. Jesus, Jesus, how I trust Him. How I've proved Him o'er and o'er. Jesus, Jesus, Precious Jesus, oh for grace to trust Him more.
That's my prayer tonight...Oh for grace to trust Him more! To trust Him like a child trusts her Daddy. Help me trust You, Abba Father!
