Today marks the one year anniversary of the day that rocked our world. The day that sweet doctor had to walk in our room and give us the horrible news, that Jeff had lung cancer. It's been a tumultuous year to say the least. A year of ups and downs, highs and lows. A year in which my emotions have run the gamut...fear, joy, anger, love, sadness, peace....you name it, we've felt it!
September 7th, 2012 took our breath away... the past year has been filled with moments that left us breathless... Today, I find myself feeling incredibly thankful. I find that I am thankful for friends who have decided to partner with us, and walk this journey alongside us. I am so thankful that we are not alone...no one fights alone! I am thankful that our family has grown closer in this year. We've learned not to take each other for granted...to appreciate every moment. I am thankful for our church. They have stood right beside us throughout this journey. They have adjusted to take care of things that Jeff would normally do himself...but has not been able to do. They have prayed for us and over us. They have encouraged us with daily reminders that God is in control and that we can trust Him. And they have loved us and each other in midst of their pastor being sick. You really have no idea how much it means when the people you feel responsible for just love each other. That's the way the body of Christ is supposed to work...when it doesn't, it breaks a pastor's heart (and God's, btw), but when we love each other, healing takes place. Isn't it funny that when we are faced with something that rocks our world, that petty differences take a back seat. Love wins! I am thankful to live in a community that comes together and supports each other in tragic times. We've been surprised by the outpour of love...but we should have expected it, since we've lived here long enough to see it over and over and over again. I'm so glad we decided to call this place home.
Jeff is now recovering from another chemo treatment (one that he had on Tuesday). He began to feel the side effects late yesterday and will most likely spend today in bed. He tolerating this chemo much better though and it seems to be working. We are winning! We both have a confidence that God has this and he will be healed. We don't know when or how, but we feel in our spirits that it is coming. We are thankful for many of you who believe as we do. Thank you for encouraging us and reminding us of God's word. Yes, sometimes even pastors need to be reminded of God's promises. God's word is true and we are standing on His promises.
Life is not the same as it was one year ago today. We have changed. We are more sensitive to people who are facing hard times. Personally, I am much more sympathetic when someone is sick or down (mercy was never my strongsuit!). God has taught me some hard lessons this year. I find myself grateful that he would count me worthy to teach. I've noticed that my children are more affectionate...hugging more (us, not each other...still working on that!) and saying "I love you" and meaning it more and more. Jeff has learned that he cannot control tomorrow...he cannot "make" anything happen. He has learned to trust God a whole new way. He has a new outlook on illness and the necessity of medication. He has learned to let go of his pride and to accept the humility of Christ.
It has not been an easy year by any stretch of the imagination. We have cried more this year than ever in our marriage. But it has been a year of growing. We have been stretched farther than we thought possible. With growth, new buds of life always spring forth. We are seeing that in our lives now. New buds spring up every day. Buds of humility, love, mercy, longsuffering, patience, kindness and the list goes on. When we ask God to birth those things in us, I believe that many times we have no idea what we are asking for. It just sounds right...even pretty. We have learned that the process to get to those buds is not pretty....it is grueling. Even so, it is worth it.
This week I photographed my teenage daughter's middle school football game. She's a cheerleader and I wanted some good shots so I got down on the field...and stood in the mud all for the cause of the great shot! The game wasn't pretty. We have a great team, but the boys just didn't have it together (mind you, we still won 30-0, but they just made some dumb mistakes). After the game, I got up close to the post game huddle. What I wanted was a great shot but what I got was pep talk from God, delivered by my friend, Coach Eddie Metcalf. I'll paraphrase because I can't remember word for word but he said, "Men, you looked rough out there. You were sloppy and messy. Had we played a better team, we probably would have been spanked. You are better than you played tonight." (Sounds like a great pep-talk, huh?) Stay with me! "But the scoreboard at the end of the game says 30-0 and says that we are the winners. It wasn't pretty but it's a "W". And I'll take a W anyday." (You see last year we only won 1 game...so we know how it feels to lose.)
That's the way I look at this past year. It's been messy. It hasn't been fun. At times we felt like we were losing. But here we are a year later and we are still fighting. Jeff's doc says the chemo is working and we know that God has the power to heal at any moment. To us, each day is a "W"...and we will take a W anyday!!
