God has been so faithful to me. I know, you promised me He would be, but He has really blown my mind with His faithfulness. The kids are doing well...you would be proud of them. Each one, finding their place in the world in their own way. The church is doing well. Moving into a new season wasn't easy, but they've done it and we are expecting great things on the horizon.
This week, I've been remembering tiny details that I had somehow pushed to the back of my memory. Like the way you would play with your ear when you were nervous or in deep thought. The way you'd quickly tilt your head to the right, then left when you were trying not to go off on someone. The way that vein on the side of your forhead would pop when I had pushed all your buttons and you were trying to not go off on me! The way you'd chew your bottom lip, bite your nails and stand to preach with half your foot dangling over the edge of the stage. The way you sat in your big chair and studied God's word. These memories bring a smile to my face and I can just see you doing what you loved all over again.I miss you more than I can explain. But I wouldn't bring you back...I know you are where you wanted to be. So many times, I just wish I could pick your brain. Although you never flaunted your knowledge, you were so wise when it came to scripture. You could make the most complex scriptures seem so simple to understand. Things that I would just read and skim over, you could preach life changing sermons from. I wish I had spent more time letting you teach me how you did that. I miss your laugh, the way you rocked out to music from bands I'd never heard of and the way you sang loudly and way off tune...and you didn't care because you were singing to God!
My life is not the same. You would be happy to know that Mike and I married after Anne joined you in heaven. He is such a blessing to me. I prayed (during the time when I was alone) that if I ever remarried, that the man I'd marry would not be intimidated by your memory. I couldn't imagine a life where I wouldn't be able to celebrate your memory. I'd rather have remained single. But God heard my prayer and since Mike loved you, too, we are able to celebrate both you and Anne. We talk about you often and there are subtle memories all over our home that remind us of you.
And I think that this is where God has shown Himself most faithful. He has allowed us to love each other deeply and without reserve. We are passionate about each other and we try to live everyday to the fullest. We love each other fiercely. God is still using us...just not the same way. We are in a new season and He is revealing ways that He wants to use us if only we are willing. And we are. I am blessed beyond anything I could've ever dreamed. I know your only fear of death was that you were leaving us behind, but I can promise you, God has been faithful and He has provided for us at every turn.
I don't know how much longer we will be here...or when He will call us home. But now more than ever, I trust that God has a plan and He will bring that plan about in my life. I don't know when I'll see you again...I do know it will seem like a blink to you but for me, not so much. I know that you probably won't be able to read this, yet writing it makes me feel better. But someday, the day will come, when I'll see you in Heaven. What a reunion that will be. Today, I will not mourn your loss. I will celebrate your memory. I will enjoy the things you enjoyed (except golf...it's too cold and I can't hit the stupid ball anyway!). I will watch Monk and Bones. I will eat Mexican. I will look at your pictures. I will remember your legacy. I will
celebrate you...because, I know you, and I know that is exactly what you would want me to do. So happy anniversary of getting to heaven day! Happy great reward day! You deserved it! You are still loved here on Earth! But I celebrate you today! I love you, still!
