When Seasons Change

When I was younger, my favorite time of year was toward the end of August...you'd just wake up one morning and step outside and you could smell it in the air.   The air was a little crisper...Fall was on the way!   I went to college in Tennessee and there I experienced the changing of the leaves for the first time.  I was absolutely in awe of the brilliant colors.  I would watch the trees with great anticipation.  Waiting for that next season was so exhilarating!

But something has happened as I've aged.  Now, instead of the drop in temperature or the brilliant colors, I rely on my nose to tell me when the season is changing.  Well, to be more specific, my sinuses.   Now, the changing of the season brings on a relentless bout of sneezing and wheezing.  I no longer look at the changing seasons with awe and anticipation...no, that has been replaced with fear and dread.

Just recently, I realized the same phenomenon has taken place in my spiritual life.   The seasons will change...that's God's design...but how I respond to the changing season can make it enjoyable or pure misery.  

Recently, I experienced a season change, perhaps I'm still in it, and this one hit me hard.   It required me and my husband leaving a place and people that we loved very much and moving into uncertain territory.    To say it was a struggle would be an understatement, but the harder we resisted the season change, the more miserable we became.  I would liken it to getting to that first cool morning and insisting that we turn up the heat and remain in a blazing Summer...because I'm afraid of what the new season holds for me.  I suppose you can try that but all you end up with is a ridiculous utility bill and a very gro
uchy household.   You can't stop the season from changing.   You can only decide how you will adapt...embracing the new season is a much better choice.

I wasn't always resistant to change in my spiritual life.   In fact, I welcomed it throughout most of my life.   I'd like to think I embraced it.   It was exciting and fresh!   But something happened inside me when Jeff died.    The following morning after he passed, a dear friend talked to me about something he felt God wanted him to tell me.   He wanted this friend to tell me that a new season was coming for me.   Gone was the season of being a pastor's wife.   Gone was the season of being in full time ministry.  But take heart...a new season is coming and it will be wonderful.   And I believe that for the first time in my life, fear crept in and no matter how hard I tried, the new season did not appeal to me.  I was fearful of what the new season would look like.  How would I know what to do?   Would I even like the new season?   Would I get lost and lose my way?   What if it wasn't as wonderful as he said it would be?   And what was wrong with the old season...why couldn't I just stay there, in the season I was comfortable in?

As much as I inwardly feared the new season, I couldn't stop it.   It was coming.  So I put on my tough face.   My fake it till you make it face.   I gave myself a pep talk and told myself that I could do this.   And I did, for a while.   Then Mike and I married and I was like, "Oh, this must be the wonderful new season he was talking about".   Life was good, I was blessed and surely this was it.   Except, when I prayed, I felt that inward nudging...calling me to change, calling me to a new season.   For a long time I said nothing and did nothing.   I hoped it would just go away.   But it didn't.

And then Mike began to feel it, too.    Now we were both warring on the inside...struggling, knowing God was changing our season and all the while we were begging Him to just let us stay in Summer.   And no matter how much we had to sweat, no matter how miserable and thirsty we were...as long as we didn't have to go into a new season, we would be ok.  

Isn't it funny how we let a little thing  like a season change wreck our world.   It's a natural thing for Pete's sake!   Part of God's perfect design for our lives.   Even so, we would rather hold on to what we know, because that is familiar and safe, than to let go and embrace every season.

I don't know a lot about gardening but I do know that the plants need all four seasons.   Without them they don't know when to bloom, when to produce fruit.   I have a lime-quat tree in my backyard.   For four years now, we've pampered that thing.   I talk to it to no avail.  Mike fertilizes it and we always make sure it is covered when the weather turns bitter cold.   It hasn't produced a single lime in four years.   But this year is different.   This year as the season is changing from spring into summer, guess what is happening...little blooms are everywhere on the plant.   My garden friends tell me that wherever I see a bloom, a lime will grow.   If that's the case, I'm going to have a bumper crop.   My lime tree is coming into a new season.   What if I could learn to see a new season in my life with the same excitement that I look at my lime tree with?  If I could just train myself to think about the new fruit that my life will bear rather than look longingly at past seasons...constantly mourning all that is lost.  Those things were good in their season, but if you've ever been around a fruit tree when the fruit has ripened and fallen off the tree...well, that fruit is no longer desirable.   Still something is going on in the tree that is exciting!  

God has been dealing with me on this very thing.   Moving into a new season doesn't mean anything was wrong with the season we were in.   In fact, it really says the opposite.   It says that we are healthy.  A tree that doesn't move to the new season will die...it needs a period of rest after a season of fruit, and before it can bear fruit it must bloom.   Paul speaks in Philippians 3 of forgetting what is behind and looking (or pressing) (or being excited about) what lies ahead.   One version says straining toward...what if I could approach every new season like that?  Think about an apple seed.  Where did it come from?  It comes from the fruit of the apple tree, of course.   But what does it contain?  Well, it contains a tree, and tons of fruit and millions of leaves...all in that tiny seed.   So if the fruit (apple) never drops or dies, then the seed will never be exposed and the lineage will stop right there.   The apple must be opened up to expose that seed for the new season to begin.   Now, just because that apple has been shed, that doesn't mean its over for the tree...no, it's just in a new season, and if it continues to go through the seasons, in due time, it will bear more fruit, more seeds, more trees that will in turn bear more fruit...and on and on it goes.

Some seasons are more intense than others and for those of us who like to know what lies ahead, that can be a scary thing.  But I am learning everyday to trust the Creator.  He knows what season I am supposed to be in.   Resisting His divine plan for my life doesn't keep it from happening, it only makes me miserable when it does.   Likewise, I can't expect that my children will always be in a fruit bearing season.   I need to remember when it appears that they are in a dormant season, that I cannot see what is happening on the inside, but God has a plan and purpose for it.   They are His and the seasons they will go through may not align at all with my seasons.  And no matter how much I enjoyed the past seasons of my life or theirs, I need to remember that what lies ahead is divinely ordained by a God who loves us very much.   He orders our steps and His plans are for our good.

So today, I'm making a new commitment, a conscience effort to strain toward that new season.   No holding back!   Today, I will press on toward the prize!  New season, here I come!

What's in Your Bag?

This has been a week of heartbreak in the community where I live and the community where I grew up.  On Sunday afternoon, a beloved high school baseball coach and his sweet wife were tragically killed while trying to help rebuild the high school's baseball field that had been damaged in a recent hurricane.   My hometown has survived much damage but has been resilient, picking up the pieces and rebuilding their lives.   But they never saw the storm coming that hit them on Sunday afternoon.  It was a curve ball, so to speak, that devastated my alma mater and the surrounding communities.

Sunday afternoon, we were returning from a trip to see our youngest.   This weekend was the 5th anniversary of her father's death and it seemed like a good time to go visit her.   Sunday was beautiful.   Cool, but not too cold.  Sunny.  Blue skies.   A perfect day for a workday...not a perfect day for a storm.   Early in the afternoon, I noticed a missed call from my sister...about the same time, I saw a post from the Sheriff in my hometown...there had been a tragic accident at the baseball field and two were deceased and another injured.

Quickly, I called my sister and she relayed the story.   She first asked me if I knew the Crum's, since they were from the town in which I now live.   I did not know them.  She then told me the story and my heart broke.  Suddenly, even though I didn't know them, I felt tears welling in my eyes.  It's not supposed to be this way.   My heart broke for their children and the family left behind.   My heart broke for their team, who would now have to attempt to process the happenings of this day and grieve the loss of their coach and his wife.   My heart broke for communities...for Liberty and Wakulla counties...but also for the baseball community,  a community that cannot be defined by county lines, but rather is a brotherhood that is tight knit and very much a family.

Sunday night, I couldn't sleep.   I just kept replaying the events (even though I wasn't there) and kept thinking of the ripple effect this day would have.   Monday brought a clearer picture of what had happened, but the feeling that your breath had just been knocked out of you remained.   No one, no matter how well they had been trained, saw this coming.   I prayed for everyone affected.   I asked God to give me words...but none would come.   Just silence.  Until this morning, when I felt like He gave me a picture...and I hope that it helps someone.

This morning God gave me a picture of a bag, one like ball players carry.  You know, the serious ball players.   The ones who have their own bat.   In my younger days, I was not an athlete.   I was a statistician.   I traveled with the team and sat with the team.   I cheered the team on.  But I didn't get on the field.   I carried a bag, too, but what was in my bag was different from what the players carried.   I carried a stat book and lots of pencils...and a good eraser!  Their bags were different from mine...but they were also all different from each other.   Some carried that special bat.   Some had a glove or even a backup glove.   Some balls and some even had their own helmets.   Some even had something in the bag that they thought would bring them luck.   They didn't just go to the store and buy a baseball bag that came equipped with everything they would need for the game.   No, they had to build it...slowly, as they played the game.  They learned the things that they would need to make their game better.  Some items came at the recommendation of a coach.   Some came as a result of envying a fellow teammate.   Some items would come as a gift, and some came by the avenue of hard work.   Each bag was different and each player's game was a little different as well.   Alone, one bag did not have the necessary tools to win the game, nor did one player.   But together, we could get the job done.

The "game" or challenge that our communities are now faced with is grief.   It is a hard game.   On Sunday, it threw a serious curve ball like none of us has ever seen or experienced.  And though we may have suffered an "out", the game isn't over.  How we will play the rest of the game will determine who the winner is.   And how we play the game will be largely determined by what we have in our bag.   Some of us have been playing the game for a long time, and we have things in our bag that not only benefit us, but can benefit the whole team.   Some, although they may not have as much experience, have newer tools...and even though what we have is good, in many ways, what they have is an improvement on what we have in our bags.   My point is this...and I hope I can adequately convey the mental picture that God gave me this morning...we need each other to get through this.   What I've learned about this family in the days since this tragedy, is that Coach Crum and his wife didn't just want to "win" the game.   They wanted to teach boys to be winners...not just on the field, but in life.   They instilled values in these kids that would not just help them beat their weekly opponent...it would help them win.   There is a difference.

Grief is an opponent that doesn't play fair.   It strikes when you least expect it and it is relentless.   It waits until you are at your weakest, and then it goes in for the kill.   But you don't have to let grief win.   Don't get me wrong...I am not saying that you shouldn't grieve this loss.   You absolutely should.   But how will you grieve?   What's in your bag?   Do you have what you need to win this game...and if not, who is around you that can you borrow from.   Who is in the dugout with you who can help you through this game.    Grief will tell you that there is no one...that is a lie.   Don't believe it.   Remember, I said grief doesn't play fair.   Look around you, stay with the "team".   And to the "team" I want to say, be on the lookout for those who may feel like they don't have what they need to get through this.   Share your arsenal with them.   To you, it may not seem like much, but to someone else it may be a lifeline.   A hug.   A kind word.  A text.  A phone call.  A meal.   A yard mowed.   A game attended.   You get the picture.   Alone, we may not be able to heal the hurt...but together, as a team, we can!  

I understand that Coach Crum often told his boys that he wanted them to give it 110%.   To use everything at their disposal to win.   That included their talents, time, energy, knowledge and so much more.   Winning this new game will take giving it your all...and then some.   And when you don't know where the "and then some" will come from, try asking God for it.   You see, when what's in our bag is exhausted...God's bag is just getting started.   He has everything we need to win this game.   And His bag doesn't get old, doesn't exhaust, and is always available.   His bag has hope.   His bag has peace.   His bag has clarity.   His bag has love.   And He is always, always, ALWAYS, willing (and ready) to share what's in His bag.