But something has happened as I've aged. Now, instead of the drop in temperature or the brilliant colors, I rely on my nose to tell me when the season is changing. Well, to be more specific, my sinuses. Now, the changing of the season brings on a relentless bout of sneezing and wheezing. I no longer look at the changing seasons with awe and anticipation...no, that has been replaced with fear and dread.
Just recently, I realized the same phenomenon has taken place in my spiritual life. The seasons will change...that's God's design...but how I respond to the changing season can make it enjoyable or pure misery.
Recently, I experienced a season change, perhaps I'm still in it, and this one hit me hard. It required me and my husband leaving a place and people that we loved very much and moving into uncertain territory. To say it was a struggle would be an understatement, but the harder we resisted the season change, the more miserable we became. I would liken it to getting to that first cool morning and insisting that we turn up the heat and remain in a blazing Summer...because I'm afraid of what the new season holds for me. I suppose you can try that but all you end up with is a ridiculous utility bill and a very gro
uchy household. You can't stop the season from changing. You can only decide how you will adapt...embracing the new season is a much better choice.
I wasn't always resistant to change in my spiritual life. In fact, I welcomed it throughout most of my life. I'd like to think I embraced it. It was exciting and fresh! But something happened inside me when Jeff died. The following morning after he passed, a dear friend talked to me about something he felt God wanted him to tell me. He wanted this friend to tell me that a new season was coming for me. Gone was the season of being a pastor's wife. Gone was the season of being in full time ministry. But take heart...a new season is coming and it will be wonderful. And I believe that for the first time in my life, fear crept in and no matter how hard I tried, the new season did not appeal to me. I was fearful of what the new season would look like. How would I know what to do? Would I even like the new season? Would I get lost and lose my way? What if it wasn't as wonderful as he said it would be? And what was wrong with the old season...why couldn't I just stay there, in the season I was comfortable in?
As much as I inwardly feared the new season, I couldn't stop it. It was coming. So I put on my tough face. My fake it till you make it face. I gave myself a pep talk and told myself that I could do this. And I did, for a while. Then Mike and I married and I was like, "Oh, this must be the wonderful new season he was talking about". Life was good, I was blessed and surely this was it. Except, when I prayed, I felt that inward nudging...calling me to change, calling me to a new season. For a long time I said nothing and did nothing. I hoped it would just go away. But it didn't.
And then Mike began to feel it, too. Now we were both warring on the inside...struggling, knowing God was changing our season and all the while we were begging Him to just let us stay in Summer. And no matter how much we had to sweat, no matter how miserable and thirsty we were...as long as we didn't have to go into a new season, we would be ok.
Isn't it funny how we let a little thing like a season change wreck our world. It's a natural thing for Pete's sake! Part of God's perfect design for our lives. Even so, we would rather hold on to what we know, because that is familiar and safe, than to let go and embrace every season.
I don't know a lot about gardening but I do know that the plants need all four seasons. Without them they don't know when to bloom, when to produce fruit. I have a lime-quat tree in my backyard. For four years now, we've pampered that thing. I talk to it to no avail. Mike fertilizes it and we always make sure it is covered when the weather turns bitter cold. It hasn't produced a single lime in four years. But this year is different. This year as the season is changing from spring into summer, guess what is happening...little blooms are everywhere on the plant. My garden friends tell me that wherever I see a bloom, a lime will grow. If that's the case, I'm going to have a bumper crop. My lime tree is coming into a new season. What if I could learn to see a new season in my life with the same excitement that I look at my lime tree with? If I could just train myself to think about the new fruit that my life will bear rather than look longingly at past seasons...constantly mourning all that is lost. Those things were good in their season, but if you've ever been around a fruit tree when the fruit has ripened and fallen off the tree...well, that fruit is no longer desirable. Still something is going on in the tree that is exciting! God has been dealing with me on this very thing. Moving into a new season doesn't mean anything was wrong with the season we were in. In fact, it really says the opposite. It says that we are healthy. A tree that doesn't move to the new season will die...it needs a period of rest after a season of fruit, and before it can bear fruit it must bloom. Paul speaks in Philippians 3 of forgetting what is behind and looking (or pressing) (or being excited about) what lies ahead. One version says straining toward...what if I could approach every new season like that? Think about an apple seed. Where did it come from? It comes from the fruit of the apple tree, of course. But what does it contain? Well, it contains a tree, and tons of fruit and millions of leaves...all in that tiny seed. So if the fruit (apple) never drops or dies, then the seed will never be exposed and the lineage will stop right there. The apple must be opened up to expose that seed for the new season to begin. Now, just because that apple has been shed, that doesn't mean its over for the tree...no, it's just in a new season, and if it continues to go through the seasons, in due time, it will bear more fruit, more seeds, more trees that will in turn bear more fruit...and on and on it goes.
Some seasons are more intense than others and for those of us who like to know what lies ahead, that can be a scary thing. But I am learning everyday to trust the Creator. He knows what season I am supposed to be in. Resisting His divine plan for my life doesn't keep it from happening, it only makes me miserable when it does. Likewise, I can't expect that my children will always be in a fruit bearing season. I need to remember when it appears that they are in a dormant season, that I cannot see what is happening on the inside, but God has a plan and purpose for it. They are His and the seasons they will go through may not align at all with my seasons. And no matter how much I enjoyed the past seasons of my life or theirs, I need to remember that what lies ahead is divinely ordained by a God who loves us very much. He orders our steps and His plans are for our good.
So today, I'm making a new commitment, a conscience effort to strain toward that new season. No holding back! Today, I will press on toward the prize! New season, here I come!
