It's funny how God orders our steps sometimes. We think our direction is this way...when He says, Nope, it's that way. Kinda like a divine GPS that is never wrong. A couple of years ago, I picked up a TomTom on a Black Friday and soon found a really funny "George W" voice for it. I love having George W. guide me on trips, because he would say things like "bear left...but I don't know what kinda bear it is...a brown bear or a grizzly bear." Problem was, many times George would not take the route I wanted so I would force him to recalcuate the route. Faithfully, he would do it - whether it was the best way or not. I've grown so accustomed to being able to demand that the route be recalculated that when God ordered my steps in a way that I didn't want to go, I once again demanded...RECALCULATE!!! Guess what...God (unlike George) doesn't take orders from me!
When life began to take a turn that I didn't like, I screamed, "Recalculate!" When it appeared that no one was listening, I tried to force a plan change by making a turn in the opposite direction. But God, in His infinte wisdom has my every step planned out...even the ones that will take me down a difficult road. It is usually during the "wrong turns" that I learn the most and I decide that trusting Him isn't so bad afterall.
Recently, I questioned why we have to go this way. Why does it have to be cancer? And why does it have to be a cancer that is life threatening? There is one thing I have to say though...even when I don't understand the way He is taking me, I know that He will not lead me wrong and He will walk every step of the way with me. Not only that, but He goes before me and comes behind me!
Last Wednesday, Jeff was rescanned to see how his body is responding to chemo. This is the first scan that I haven't had scan-xiety over. I can't explain it but I know God is in control of the outcome of that scan. We have prayed. We believe that the scan will show healing. We are trusting God for a miracle. But we understand who orders every step we take.
Many of you have said that I need to change the way I talk about Jeff's healing and begin speaking of it as if we already have proof. I understand that. I do believe he is healed. However, I also believe that God intends for us to walk EVERY step of this route He has planned for us. He doesn't intend for us to walk it alone but every step is important. Please don't think our faith is failing when we don't claim the unseen in every post. We believe with all our hearts that he is going to be healed or possibly has already been healed. But we cannot discount the people that He has allowed our paths to cross...people that we have been able to minister to, all because Jeff has cancer. What if we had been able to order God to recalculate from the beginning? We never would've walked a single cancer step. That would've been great for us...but what about the people who we've been able to minister to? See, God ordered our steps to meet theirs...at just the right time.
The things we go through in life...hardships, heartache, triumphs, victory and trials. The steps of a righteous man are ordered of the Lord...even when those steps go through rough places.
Friday, we will see the oncologist again and Jeff will have another chemo treatment. He will give us the results of the scan and we will continue walking. Our steps are already ordered. Only God knows what the direction is that we will go...we will trust Him. We appreciate your prayers and so many of you who walk this journey with us.
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