The Words of My Mouth...

Tonight I laid wide awake in bed, beside my husband who was doing his best to sleep.   I tossed and turned.   I fidgeted.   I prayed.   But sleep would not come.   Finally, (because I knew he'd be getting up super early to go hunting), I crawled from our bed and went to the living room where I spent the next couple of hours reading facebook posts and looking at pinterest.   Still, my mind was on overload and sleep wouldn't come.  So, in my frustration, I began to do what I do...I talked to God.   "Why am I so anxious?"   "Why can't my mind just shut it down?"   "Aggggh!"   No response.   Wait...what is that faint sound...I can't quite make it out.   Is that you, God?   If so, you should speak up, because my mind is too loud and I can't hear you!!!

Suddenly, I got a mental image of God slowly placing His finger over His lips and saying calmly, "Shhhhhh!"   I had just been shhhhh'd by God.   Really!   Imagine that.  (If you know me, then you know how much I HATE being shhhhh'd!)  God wanted me to just hush!

Earlier this evening, a friend stopped by and visited with us.   We talked about some tough topics.  It's good to have friends that you can be completely transparent with...but understand, not everyone can handle your transparency.    Thankfully, this one can.   In the course of our conversation, God brought one of my favorite scriptures to mind, "Let the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart, be pleasing in Your sight, O Lord, my strength and my redeemer."-Psalm 19:14

For the last few hours, my thoughts have been consumed by my words.     Are my words pleasing to my Lord?    The words I speak in conversations I have with my husband?    The words I use when I speak to my kids?   The words I speak in the grocery store, at church or in passing?   The words I speak in jest...or how about the words I speak in judgement?  Is God pleased with my words?   How about when I'm whining (yes, I admit that I do this on occasion)?    How about the words I write?  Do those bring a smile or a grimmace to God's face?  

You see, I cannot choose the circumstances I find myself in.    If I could, I would never be wronged again or hurt by another's actions or lack thereof.   It is not up to me if I face sickness or disease.  I would never lose another loved one to death.   I don't get to see what lies around the bend.   But guess what?   I can choose my words.

I may not be able to choose my emotions, but I can choose what will meditate on.   I can choose how I will respond...and whether or not it will please God.

Yes, I will face heartbreak.   I will face disappointment and perhaps I will experience betrayal and even outrage.   Those things I can't control.    Anger, sadness, disappointment, fear...all part of life...but those things do not define who I am.   How I respond to those things however, does speak volumes of the real me, but even more, it reflects on the God I serve.  

Because I trust Him completely, it is imperative to me that my words reflect His authority in my life.   I want my words to bring Him glory.   I want my words to direct attention to Him...not to me, or my cause, or my desires.   I want the things I think about and the things I spend time dwelling on, to be the goodness and faithfulness of God...not the disappointments of a fallen world that I live in.  

I believe tonight, I have a new glimpse of what David was thinking when he wrote these words.  If I were David, perhaps I would've written it like this.   Lord, let me keep my mind more on You than on this world around me.   Let my words reflect You...not the dispair and gloom I may find myself in.   Lord, don't let my words reflect my anger, my disgust or my opinion.   The world doesn't need that.   What the world needs is You!   So, Lord, when my eyes become distracted by the world around me, draw my attention back to You.   Remind me to think about You and Your goodness.   That alone will blot out everything surrounding me.   And then, when my mind is consumed by Your love, let me speak.   Let me speak the truth...in Your love.  Amen.