"Learning to lean, learning to lean, I'm learning to lean on Jesus..." The words of an old song resonate in my heart this morning. Leaning isn't something that we are taught...in fact, I remember being taught the opposite, "if you have time to lean...". But leaning is a key factor in my walk with Christ and He wants me to learn to do it.
Leaning, in today's society, has a negative connotation attached to it. It implies weakness or even laziness in our fast paced, self-sufficient world. We are taught that we must learn to stand on our own, show no weakness. We are taught that to lean or rest is a waste of precious time and resources. I have found, however, that if we don't learn to lean, we will evenually crumble.
The last year and a half has been a season of leaning for us. We have had to learn to lean on friends, learn to lean on doctors, learn to NOT lean on our own understanding but more importantly, learn to lean on Jesus. God has been faithful, in every instance that He has required that we "lean" on something we don't understand, He has exceeded our expectations and met our needs in ways that better than we could have done on our own.
One of those times of leaning came over the Summer when someone that we knew casually approached me on Facebook and told me how God had laid it on her heart to bless us with a weekend getaway. Immediately, though I was touched, I had to swallow my pride. I enjoy being on the giving end, but being on the recieving end would require me to "learn to lean" and that wasn't something I was particularly interested in at the moment. Over the next few weeks, the trip was planned. I learned during the course of the planning that our friend was really having to trust God for the money to pay for the trip. God provided every penny, yet it was so hard for us to accept the gift, knowing that this family didn't have great resources. I had to learn to lean on God's better judgement...He knew where the resources would come from. I had to learn to lean on friend who had heard from God. Still, I found the whole ordeal to be a stretching of my faith and if I'm honest...very uncomfortable.
The weekend came and we spent some quality time with our kids, being able to unplug for a couple of days. We had learned shortly before the weekend that Jeff's cancer had returned so this was a time for us to just enjoy each other's company. I thought that was the end of it...but this week, God has shown me that He had an even greater purpose in that particular time of leaning.
The precious lady who provided the weekend for us, had shared with me that she was a cancer survivor and all that God had miraculously provided for her. It built my faith and helped me get through a very scary time. This week I recieved an email from her and God brought our story full circle. You see, after years of being cancer-free, she found out this week that she once again has cancer. It's not in the same place and at this point, they don't really have a good grip on the prognosis, but nevertheless, it's back. She will have to undergo chemo and most likely radiation again.
It was in this email that she said to me that she feels like God has prepared her for this battle by reading my blog and watching us fight our own battle. Wow. That blew me away. You mean because I voiced my fears and wrote about God's faithfulness, she now feels like she can face this battle? But sometimes I've just been ranting! I was leaning the whole time...but He used it to give someone else strength.
The next part of that song says, "finding more power (strength) than I'd ever dreamed..." and that is exactly where I am this morning. Rejoicing, because God has used the silly and sometimes senseless rantings of this scared and helpless servant to bring assurance and peace to someone who is on the edge of the fight of their life. Not because of my words, because they were nothing, but because His faithfulness shines in the midst of our struggle. As I have learned to lean, I am finding more power...power to help others through their struggles, power to face my own struggle, power to give pride a black eye and learn to lean even more. Oh Lord, help me get this deep inside...help me learn to lean on You.
Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. Proverbs 3:5
I am an old friend of Jeff's and am just realizing his devastating journey. I will keep him and your family in my prayers. Please tell him "Myrtle" is praying for him. We grew up together in the same church, Mulberry Baptist. My real name is Angie (williams) Madigan. I have signed up to recieve your post so that I can follow his journey.
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