I'll admit it. I'm getting old. And as I age, I find that my vision is changing. I've always been near sighted and had to wear glasses for seeing things in the distance. Recently, I've found that I have to remove my glasses to see things that are close...and sometimes, if something is too close, I just cant get it into focus at all. I am learning that this same principle applies in the spiritual as well as the physical.
Sometimes, when I am too close to the problem, I have a hard time "seeing" how I need to pray. I can't find the right words. If I find them, I can't get them out. I can trust God for other people, but when it comes to trusting for me, well...let's just say, it's not so easy.
Last week I posted about the possibility of Jeff's cancer beginning to grow again. Can I just tell you that we were very scared. The doctor thought that was what was happening. Jeff and I couldn't really even talk about it. It was the elephant in the room. I wanted to pray...but I couldn't find the words. I wanted to trust God, but I was so afraid. Thank God for friends during times like those. One of our friends texted me in the midst of that struggle and asked if he could arrange a prayer meeting for several area pastors to come and pray for Jeff. I said yes right away, because I knew we needed help...we no longer knew how to pray. Then, within just a few minutes, another friend reminded me that when we are close to the crisis, we need to let others who love us hold us up in prayer. It was another confirmation for me.
Over and over during the course of just a few days, friend after friend texted, messaged or called to remind us they were praying for us and for Jeff's healing. Thursday, I was sitting in the living room with Jeff and we were just being quiet...not really knowing what to say. A friend called to encourage us and share that she had been in prayer for us. After we hung up, I thanked God for so many friends who had called but honestly it worried me because I wondered if we were about to get some really bad news. Not ten minutes later, our phone rang again. This time it was Jeff's doctor who said, "Hey, I've got some good news for you! The tumors are still shrinking!" Much rejoicing followed as we gave God glory for his healing!
But on the hills of every victory, Satan is waiting to bring another trial. This time, it wasn't Jeff, it was one of my dearest friends. My friend who has stuck beside me through thick and thin. She has prayed for us and she has physically supported us. She has encouraged me and lifted me up when my spirits were low. A few weeks ago she began to experience some pain in her back. A trip to the doctor and some tests showed a large mass in her kidney. She had surgery after Christmas and had a kidney and the tumor removed. We were praying that would be the end of it. Yesterday, she had some complications and had to return to the ER. An emergency CT scan revealed that the cancer had spread. Today, her doctor confirmed that the road ahead of them will not be easy. By the end of the week, they will be at Moffitt and will be fighting a battle of their own.
They have stood alongside us for the past year and a half and encouraged us. I began calling out to God for her before I had a diagnosis...I knew from experience how hard it is to pray for yourself. Last night, we stood before our church as several pastors from other churches left there congregations to come pray for us. As they prayed, I couldn't pray for us...all I could think about was our friend. So I prayed that God would extend their prayers to cover her as well. "Lord, heal them both!"
Tonight, I spoke with my friend and she expressed the exact feelings that I have wrestled with for the last couple of weeks. That when you are close to the crisis, it is hard to believe for your miracle. You want to...but it is so hard. That is when you need friends, comrads in the faith, who will carry your burden. We have been blessed to have many...we will not hesitate to do that for our friend. My heart is broken for her tonight...I wish I could take her place. I cannot, but I can walk beside her. I can pray, I can believe, I can be strong.
Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Eccl. 4:9-10
Lord, let me be the kind of friend that you have blessed me with. One who will not just say, "I'm praying for you", but one who will commit to bombard heaven with petitions for healing. Help me stand in the gap for my friend. Let my vision be clear so that I might pray effectively and see Your hand when it moves.
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