I have blamed it on a lot of things. The death of my husband and my friend. A new life with a new husband and the craziness of all that entails (although he is an absolute blessing in my life!) No longer being in full time ministry. Being incredibly busy. Satan attacking because he knows God has something He wants me to do. Feeling like I no longer am valuable in the kingdom.
However, God lead me to a passage of scripture and through it He pointed out to me that indeed God himself has led me into this wilderness. Why would God do this? Because sometimes there are lessons that can only be learned in the wilderness. There is a growth and a maturity that comes from time spent in the wilderness. He leads us into the wilderness to prove to us that he will always be with us. Look at this passage with me...Matthew3:16-17 Jesus has just been baptized by John the Baptist and God himself speaks and says this is my son and in him I am well pleased. And look what happens right after in chapter 4... Jesus was led by the spirit into the wilderness. Did you hear that? He was led by the spirit into the wilderness. God led his son, whom He loved, into the wilderness to be tested. What made me think that my being in the wilderness was a sign that God was unhappy with me? Or that God no longer heard me? Or that I didn't matter any more? That's certainly not why God led His son to the wilderness. In fact, this passage leads me to believe the opposite is more true...and if God would lead His son, the one He loved and the one who pleased him, into the wilderness, why should I, as a Christ-follower be surprised when He leads me there as well?
When I think "wilderness" in a physical sense, I think adventure. I live in what many have called the wilderness. In the middle of the Appalachicola National Forest is the place I call home. My manly husband loves spending hours deep in the woods (wilderness) and I love going out there with him. Everytime we go out there, I return with something new I've learned. What strikes me most about our trips to the woods is the creativity of God. There are so many different types of plants and animals that my mind cant take it all in. Yet God created each one and placed them in the perfect place to thrive. This wilderness, far different from the barren land we read about when the Bible refers to wilderness, is lush and thick with vegetation, yet it still is a place where solitude is possible. It makes me wonder if that's the idea God has in mind when He leads us there...to take us to a place where distractions fall away and we find ourselves alone with Him?
So why does a spiritual wilderness bother me so much, when I love the physical wilderness. I think its because I was looking at this place all wrong. I was looking at the wilderness as a place of punishment, much like it was for the Israelites. It felt like I was wandering around, lost and alone...abandoned would be a good word. But after reading about the wilderness Jesus was in, my perpective has changed. Granted, I want to be certain that my actions don't turn my brief walk in the wilderness into a forty year journey!!! This requires an attitude check...am I grumbling and complaining or do I see the wilderness as a place to pray, to be alone with God?I believe God leads us to the wilderness for seasons in our life. We can choose to grumble and complain, or we can take in the beauty of our surroundings...and trust that God knows what He is doing! I choose to do the latter.
Thank you, God, for taking me to the wilderness. Help me to never resent the times you steal me away to a place of solitude with you. Help me to trust You and remember that You are preparing me for my future. Help me to be aware and learn every lesson You wish to teach in the wilderness.
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