It's during times like this that I am thankful for friends who are so close that they don't need explanations...they just come. When I told my friend, Missy, what I was doing, she knew I needed her. She just came. She let me talk and she let me not talk. Both are necessary.
One by one, we pulled suits and shirts out of the closet. Golf shirts...how he loved playing golf. I never would've dreamed it, but once he started playing, it was in him. I'm so thankful that God gave him a place where he could unwind and enjoy life. The pressures of ministry can be so taxing on your physical body. Side note to my friends in ministry, find something outside the ministry that you love doing. Not that you let it take precedence over the ministry, but we are not made for the constant stresses that ministry life brings. We have to have somewhere to unwind. That was free.
Now, for the rest of yesterday's story. I am so thankful that God gives us seasons. At Jeff's service, both Pastor Craig and Pastor Paul, two very dear friends who have known us in our darkest days, confirmed a word from the Lord for me. They said that God was moving me into a new season. That He was not finished with me but instead just getting started.
After Jeff's death, I realized that the season I was in was sorrow. It wasn't where I wanted to be. I've told you before how I hate to cry. But just like the seasons of the year, this season of sorrow was necessary for the next season He would take me to. For nearly nine months, my heart has grieved deeply. More deeply than I thought I could bear. As hard as I tried to rush through it, God wouldn't let me. Just when I thought I had grieved enough, it seemed a new wave of grief would hit. But in the past couple of days something has begun to change. I can only explain it as that first hint of fall after a hot Summer. The seasons are about to change, in fact I know the change has already begun.
When I came home from church and found myself alone, I just knew...the seasons are changing...it's time to let some things go. I wish I knew what was on the horizon. I don't. But somehow I know that it is going to be something I never even dreamed of. Something greater than I could imagine. I believe that it is important that I document every part of this journey. Someone needs to read that there is a season that comes after sorrow. So for that reason, and because I promised Jeff that I would keep writing until God released me, I will keep writing our story. Well, I guess now it is my story. I pray that it encourages someone, somewhere to hang on one more day.
We don't understand God's plan for us...it is so much bigger than our humanity can conceive. But He is faithful. He walks with us through every season. He doesn't have us walk through a single day without purpose...that's hard to remember but very important. His purpose is never to harm us...that would go against His very nature...no, His purpose is to strengthen us, to free us, to give us hope.
What season are you in? If you are in a place of sorrow, as I was? Take courage Your season will not last forever. Place your trust in Him. Be real with Him about your feelings because He can take it. And don't forget that soon your season will change. God knows when it is time to change...trust Him.
He made the moon to mark the seasons,
and the sun knows when to go down. Ps. 104:19
No comments:
Post a Comment