Our Journey #43 (Home Sweet Home)

It's early in the morning on the day that we will lay the love of my life to rest.   Sleep will not come for me tonight, only memories.   Jeff made me promise that I would finish telling this story.  I will continue writing until it is complete...many still need to hear.  

On Friday evening, life as I knew it began to take a sharp change.   We had planned for months to perform a wedding for sweet friends who attended our church.   Jeff would perform the ceremony and I would shoot it.   Jeff did his normal pre-marital counseling and I was able to sit in on a couple of the sessions.    The wedding was to be performed outside by the river, but flooding forced us to move inside.  It was a good thing, as he had grown very weak over the course of a few days.

At eight o'clock, Jeff performed a beautiful ceremony for Robert and Sarah, while I clicked away with my camera.  I must admit, I struggled to keep my focus on the Bride and Groom...my camera seemed trained on him.   Once the ceremony was over and he had been helped into the car, I did something that perhaps wasn't professional...but I am so glad I did.   I walked over to the car and I planted a sweet kiss on my love.  We exchanged, "I love you"'s and they drove away.   I headed to the reception, back in photographer mode, but thoughts of my husband were never more than a breath away.   Less than an hour passed before I noticed two missed calls from my precious sister-in-law.   Her words were filled with both fear and concern for me.  "Libby, we think Jeff has had a stroke.  We've called the paramedics.  Come quickly but don't drive, have someone bring you."  

My sweet Brittany drove me straight to our house, while I made frantic phone calls to prayer partners, family and board members.   He was already in the ambulance when we got there and I just jumped in.   Immediately, I started praying...then I looked around.   There in that ambulance were men who had sat under my husband's teaching and one from a neighboring church.   He leaned over and said, "Just keep praying."   That's what I did.  

As we approached the hospital, he began to regain consciousness.  He knew me, he knew Jerry(one of the paramedics who was from our church).   He began to squeeze my hand and I just kept on praying.   At the ER, they told me that he had suffered a TIA, a warning stroke.   God was merciful and gave us a couple of hours of coherency, where he knew us and was able to talk to us.  

He was able to talk to each of the kids.   He told them that he wanted them to chase their dreams and love Jesus.    It was what he has told them all their lives.   He reminded me that I knew what to do, as we had discussed in depth what his wishes were.  

The hospital waiting room filled up quickly...speaking volumes about the man who held my hand.   Soon, he began to get sleepy and was in and out for some time.   They moved him to the cancer floor and as they were checking him onto the floor, he and I exchanged a quick little "look" and smile.  That smile that I love so much.  

From the cancer floor, we moved to the Hospice House (Big Bend Hospice) and there we began to escort him to heavens gate.  We would only be allowed to go so far.  

My dear friends, Tony Miller and Kim Miller Parker, came in from Columbus and coached me through those final hours.  God was so merciful.   They explained to me everything that was happening.   His breathing changed.   Tony whispered to me that he liked to refer to that as the patient singing his way home as it was rhythmic and calm.  

Well, I decided that if Jeff was singing, I would join him.   It was something we often did in the car.   He was usually off key, but that day it was my turn to be off key...still we were in perfect harmony.   I started singing a praise chorus that was one of our favorites, "It's gonna be worth it, It's gonna be worth it, It's gonna be worth it all...I believe it".    Soon, another voice joined in...then another and another and another.   We kept on singing and more people kept on joining us.  I cannot tell you who was in the room, just that their voices sounded like angels singing.   I looked up at one point and there must have been 30 people in that room.   All singing, hands raised toward Heaven.   We were providing an escort as a soldier was returning home.  

Then it occurred to me that if I was holding his hand when Jesus took his hand, my hand might just brush against my Master.   I held his hand and sang to my sweet husband as Jesus came and took his hand.  I don't think he looked back...he loved me, yes...but only less than he loved his Lord.   Softly, sweetly, he left this Earth and joined a multitude of friends and family in Heaven.

The last few days have been a blur.   But God has remained faithful to me.  He promised to comfort me, and He has.   He promised to provide, and He has.   He promised me love and He has opened the flood gate of Heaven and poured love upon our family.  I can certainly say that God is good!  His mercy endures forever.

In just a few hours we will meet to celebrate Jeff's home going.   He was adamant about not wanting this service to be about him but instead to be about the one he spent his life serving.   He wanted an all out worship service.   One where God is glorified and people are drawn to give their lives to Him. That is what He is going to get.   We will worship our Lord...not because we do not grieve, but because we do not grieve without hope.  

Jeff is home...we are still on the journey.   He always did want to get wherever he was going early!  Tonight, hundreds of friends filed in to pay their respects and love on our family.   Each of us on a journey...not in the same place but moving nonetheless.   Some of us are headed home and some of us   are still searching.   If I know my husband, he was shouting from Heaven, "Come this way!!!   This is the way home!!!"  

So today as we celebrate that he has made it home, I pray that those who are still searching will listen closely.   Let us show you the way.   There would be no higher honor.  

Oh God, You are Sovreign.   You know our first day from our last.   You did not take Jeff early...You had this planned all along.   Help us through these days.   Thank you for being merciful.  Now Lord, as we worship You, today, would you help us point others to You.   Let me be like a huge billboard, shouting, "This way to Jesus!!!".   Take what happens today and bless it exponentially.   Let it explode and catch like wildfire.   Let revival breakout and let Your work not only continue but be done on even higher and more excellent level than ever before.   Bless the church that has loved him and followed his leadership for nearly 15 years.   Bless the missionaries who he dearly loved and provide for them to be able to proclaim your Good News to the world.  No Limits...blow our minds!