Three months. That's how long it's been since I held his hand, felt his kiss, said "Goodbye". Three months. It seems like forever. Like somehow time is standing still...but moving at lightning speed at the same time. I know that doesn't make sense, but I am learning that life doesn't always make sense.
This week has been a crazy week. Tuesday, I shot a wedding and cried through the "Daddy/Daughter dance" as a brother stood in for a father who had already gone to heaven. Wednesday, I celebrated Doran's baccalaureate...and cried as I realized that Jeff just barely missed this moment. Thursday, I attended my nieces wedding rehearsal. Friday was slam packed with a bridal luncheon and Doran's graduation (again, very emotional...proud, happy and sad all at the same time). Saturday, we celebrated Dianna & Brent's big day...and I missed my husband terribly. And then came today. A day that I had both dreaded and looked forward to...I know, weird.
I dreaded it because it marked the anniversary of him leaving. I looked forward to it because I knew our church was about to step into a new season.
This morning my emotions were all over the place...I know that most of that was due to the schedule I have had this week. Tears started on the way to church and were flowing freely by the time I got through praise team sound check. I was just about to the point of going home when I texted two of my friends (not from our church) to pray for me. I knew right away that they were standing in the gap for me, because God began to comfort me, like a blanket.
I posted this earlier on Facebook, but I'll repeat it for those that didn't see it. God reminded me that a season is three months long. Seasons pass. And the one I am in is passing. It has been three months of mourning. Three months of missing my husband terribly...three months of inconsolable sorrow. God promised me today that a new season is beginning.
This doesn't mean that my time of missing Jeff is over...it is not. I will mourn his death for a long time, if not for the rest of my life. But what I believe God was saying to my heart this morning is that a season is coming in which I will celebrate Jeff's life. I will celebrate his accomplishments. I will celebrate the amazing husband he was. I will celebrate the nearly twenty-five years of marriage we had.
Today, we elected a new pastor. The similarities between him and Jeff were uncanny...but that would not have been enough to put my heart at ease. No, it would take the Lord giving me a real peace that this family was the one. It was what I asked God for...and He delivered. I knew beyond a shadow of doubt that God had ordered our steps and theirs. I had prayed for them before I knew their names...and I loved them before I saw their faces.
Tonight, I have a new pastor and a new first lady. My role has changed. My season has changed. I don't know what to expect for this new season, but I trust God that it will be amazing. This morning He promised that in this new season He would turn my mourning into dancing. That is hard for me to imagine right now, but I trust Him. He knows the desires of my heart. I have told him my hopes and dreams. My future is in His hands...and I know He will faithfully walk with me in this season. He will somehow turn my mourning to dancing. And when He does...I will shout it from the mountain top! To God be the glory!!
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