October 27, 2012
Normally, I do my best writing late at night...when everyone else is sleeping and my mind can just let go. I am attempting to write this note at the crack of dawn, mainly because I heard something last night that stuck with me and because I wrestled all night with this post. I've come to know that when that happens, it is usually not just about me, but someone out there needs to hear it. I'm at a women's retreat this weekend and the speaker is Barbara Benton. This is the first time I've heard her speak, but the words she spoke last night were straight from God, for me. I'll not attempt to "repreach" her sermon, that would be plagerism. I just want to share what God said to me during her message. She spoke about going deeper with God and used the passage from Luke 5 (I think, I was so engrossed I forgot to write down the passage!) She talked about being in shallow water and the benefits of being there...you can still touch bottom (safety) and you don't have to paddle (comfort). When Jesus told Simon to "put out into the deep", the first thing Simon did was argue with Jesus. The flesh will always fight against whatever God is trying to accomplish in your life. I realized that this is the place I was at just a little over a month ago. I was in the water, in the boat...but I was in shallow water...safe, secure, calm water. Water that I could see bottom and touch it. In Wakulla county we have one of the most beautiful rivers I've ever seen. I love to go down the Wakulla River because I can see the bottom...it's shallow and in most parts of the river you can touch bottom. I like that...I don't have to worry about what is going to get me...I can see it coming! There's another river in our county, the Sopchoppy river, that I wouldn't swim in EVER!!! The water is dark and though I don't know how deep it is, it looks deep to me because I can't see bottom! So, you get the point...I don't like deep water! It's unpredictable, it's dangerous, it requires that I trust the vessel I am riding in and/or the skills that I can muster to keep my head above water.
On September 7th, Jesus asked me to put out into the deep. Well, actually, it felt more like He threw me in over my head! I fought against it...I didn't want to go deeper if it meant leaving the safety of the shore, the predictable, the comfortable. So while this woman of God was preaching last night, my mind went back to when I was 8 or 9 (maybe younger) and I had taken swimming lessons every Summer at White Springs for probably 3 years. I would go to class every day but I didn't learn to swim...because I liked to touch bottom. Now my strokes were perfect, I had that part down, but my feet didn't leave the bottom so I really wasn't swimming. One afternoon after swimming lessons, our family went to Lake Mystic for some family time. And there, at the end of a long dock, one of my brothers picked me up and threw me in to deep water...at least it was over my head! I fought him and I struggled and I screamed, "I can't swim!" "Save me!". He said, "Yes, you can...you just didn't know it...you are swimming right now!" He was right! While I fought it and didn't want to be thrown it, it was the best thing for me...I COULD swim! Had I listened to my own flesh, I never would have known that.
When we got Jeff's diagnosis, I fought it...I cried out in terror and I didn't want to do this. But God knows what we can bear and He knows what waits for us in the deep. The beautiful things are in the deep. The deep holds things that our minds can comprehend while we are in the shallow. He wanted us to go deeper in our trust of Him. He wanted us to go deeper in our ministry. He wanted us to go deeper in our marriage. He wanted us to go deeper.
I'm not afraid of the deep anymore...actually, I'm more afraid of staying in the shallow. You see...my God is in the deep and I want to be where He is! At the end of this passage, after Simon argues with Jesus, he says to him...Nevertheless, at thy word I will let down my net. He surrendered his wisdom to God's. That's where I'm at...Nevertheless...I will go deeper!
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