Our Journey (Entry #4)

October 1, 2012

Today, I realized that my posts have been a little scattered and so some people don't really know what Jeff's diagnosis is.   Let me see if I can clear that up.   On September 7th we were told that Jeff had stage 3 lung cancer.  It is considered to be stage 3b because there is a tumor in the right lower lobe of the lung and 2 lymph nodes on the trachea are affected as well.  If the cancer was anywhere else in his body he would then be considered a stage 4.   The next day a brain scan was done to rule out the cancer moving to the brain...thankfully, it was clear.   The following week he had a PET scan done to check the rest of the body for signs of further involvement.  This scan was almost clear, except for one tiny spot on or near the spine.   This spot was so tiny they decided to do a bone scan to see if a biopsy was necessary.   The bone scan showed an arthritic spot but no cancer...Great news!   That means he stays a 3b and treatment could begin right away.   Several people thought that when I posted the good results from the scan that meant the lungs weren't really affected.   They are, but we are hoping that when the next scans take place a miracle will have taken place and we will see healthy, whole lungs!  Hopefully, that all makes more sense now.     

I wanted to share the lyrics to a song that has been going through my head so here it is:

"I don't understand your ways, oh but I'll give you my song

Give You all of my praise

You hold on to all my pain

With it You are pulling me closer

And pulling me into Your ways

Now around every corner

And up every mountain

I'm not looking for crowns

Or the water from fountains

I'm desperate in seeking, frantic believing

That the sight of Your face Is all that I need"

I first heard this song probably a little over a year ago.   Worth It All by Rita Springer has been a favorite of mine ever since.   Yesterday, during our prayer time before church, this song just came back to me.   I realized, I DON'T understand...but also that I don't need to.   God has a plan and all I need is to keep looking for His face!   He is pulling me closer to Him everyday.   There is no where I'd rather be than right where He wants me.   I don't think up to this point in my life I've ever fallen into the "desperate in seeking or frantic believing" categories...but now I get it.   And I know...deep within my soul...that all this is gonna be worth it.   We are thankful for precious friends and family who have promised to walk this walk alongside us.   You have no idea how much that means to us.   I like the second line of the song...I will give you my song...give you all my praise!   It belongs to Him but He waits for us to give it!    Then look what it says about my pain...He holds on to it and with it He is pulling me close...pulling me into His ways.   His ways...the ones that are HIGHER than my ways!   His way is clear...he NEVER gets lost.   See, sometimes I do and I can't understand how it happened or how I can get back on track.   When He pulls me into His ways, He puts me back on track...right where He wants me.   I choose to trust Him!   It's gonna be worth it all!