2012 is drawing to an end. I've been going through old pictures today...feeling a bit nostalgic. Jeff had his 5th chemo treatment on Wednesday, so that put him out for the bigger part of today. So, I've just been thinking over the last year and pondering all the changes that we faced. Our year started out a little rough, but sometimes that comes with being in ministry...you just have to learn to roll with the punches. Easter was on us before we knew it and Jeff turned 50! Summer rolled around and it seemed like it was over before it began. Then September came and everything seemed to come to a screeching, grinding halt.
It's amazing how fast your life can completely change. Everything, your perspective, your priorities, your dreams, your needs, your wants...everything. One of our oncologists (I'm not sure which one because I was still in the blurry stage), told us early on that this cancer has probably been in Jeff's body for 10-15 years. Just a tiny cell or two...then one day, something triggered it to start growing in his body. So today, as I looked over old pictures, I found myself looking for the cancer. I know...that's crazy! You can't see it in a photograph. But I found myself looking at each picture and wondering, "was it growing here...or here?"
I couldn't see the cancer, but what I did see took my breath away. I saw a love that has endured many trials and tribulations. Some we caused by our own stupidity...some that came at the hand of others...some, a result of an attack from an evil enemy. I saw dreams that we've dreamed together, yet somehow long ago forgotten many of them. I saw determination to make it...even when the odds weren't stacked in our favor. I saw a family of imperfect people who were knitted together perfectly by a perfect God. What I saw was my everything...
Tomorrow we will celebrate as he takes his last radiation treatment. I must admit, it's a little bittersweet. We've formed relationships with the people we've come in contact with there. His doctor, who is a fellow believer, and who I believe was sent to us straight from God. His nurse, who can give it back to Jeff as fast as he can dish it out...how I love to see them banter back and forth! His two radiation techs who zap him every day. They take such good care of him and I think he'd bring them home with us if they'd come. The receptionist who greets us everyday as we come in...the volunteers who call him back for treatment. And then there are the other patients who we sit with while waiting for treatment. The sweet couple from Perry...this isn't their first go around. The couple from Kinard...who somehow turned out to be related to Donnie Pitts and therefore have given us much to chat about! The sweet little lady who comes in by herself everyday, and always looks perfect...but you know that somewhere in her body cancer is raging. The precious lady who I've just recently met, she's recently divorced and is now battling cancer. She is a believer and I know that God sent her as an encouragement to me and He sent me as an encouragement to her. The "grumpy" man who cracks me up every day...he always comes out with 2 robes on...only to return from treatment with one on and the other in his hand. The lady who reminds me so much of Jeff's grandmother...she just finished her treatment recently...she always had hugs for everyone. So many people we've encountered...I just wish we would've met them somewhere else!
Last year, at this time, I was worried about petty things that I had no control over. I never could have imagined all that was on our horizon for 2012. But I did know that no matter what would come our way, God would be with us. That is the promise that He gives us..."I will never leave you or forsake you". As I looked at each picture, I couldn't see cancer...but I could see God with us. God with us...through every valley, through every fear. He doesn't always promise us that the outcome will be what we want or that the road will be easy. But He does promise that He will be with us. He's with us when fear attempts to raise its ugly head and doubts begin to fill my mind. He's with us when the toll of treatment renders my strapping husband weak and feeling helpless. He's with us when we can't see tomorrow for the mountain we are climbling today. He is with us.
As we walk into that final treatment tomorrow...He will go with us...oh how I hope everyone can see Him!!! I pray that they can see Him in everything we do. That hit me today...He's been with me all along...I've felt Him and I know this beyond a shadow of a doubt. Have others been able to see Him? That is truly my hope...in everything I do, Lord...let my life glorify You.
So as 2012 ends and 2013 begins, I have hopes and dreams, concerns and fears...but I also have a promise. God is with us! I can think of no greater thing!
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