When I first started this blog, I warned you that you would see the real me...the good, the bad and the ugly. So far, I've shared good...I've shared bad...and tonight, I'm gonna share the ugly. Okay, let me preface this with a disclaimer. Some of you fellas may not want to read this...the hormones are in full strength today and it may be more feminine emotion and terminology than you care to experience. Let me also say upfront that some of the emotion I will put out there is just that...do not try to sell me your cure all, I've probably already tried it anyway! Preface over...let's get started!
I woke up this morning and I knew that it was one of those hormonal kinda days...you know, the kind of day when you are certain that you shoulda been a hitman! Jeff has another chemo treatment tomorrow, I'm hormonal, I've just finished a round of prednisone for a sinus infection and I'm exhausted. Let's just say I was a bit on edge...a little testy. I walk into the kitchen (the one my children have not lifted a finger to clean or help keep clean) and my wonderful middle child, Doran, is sitting at the dining room table. Instead of saying, "Good morning, Mom" he opted for "Why do we have a stupid tablecloth on the table?" BAD MOVE!!!!! I'll leave it at he now FULLY understands why!!!
From there I moved into the bedroom to get myself ready for church. As I stood in my closet singing Kum Ba Yah and looking at all my clothes I realized a very important truth...nothing fits anymore! Yes, somehow I have managed to gain 30 lbs in the last year. While friends and family and it seems like even the dog are having successful diet stories to share...I'm getting heavier and heavier! It's not that I'm not happy for my friends...but I really don't care to hear it when my scale just keeps moving up. Every round of prednisone packs another 10 lbs on me so forgive me for being a little disgruntled and not so chipper! So I try on like three pairs of pants and finally find one that buttons. I decide that I need to wear a slimming undergarment...ok a girdle...so I go to my lingerie drawer where I proceed to pull out EVERY thing in there...but cant find the stupid girdle! Ugggh! Oh wait, I remember that on Friday I washed and dried it ...just didn't have time to get it out of the dryer. But Jeff and Doran were at the house on Saturday, surely one of them has folded up all the clean clothes by now...HA! Yep, there in the dryer was everything that I didn't get done on Friday. By now the kettle is beginning to tap, tap, tap...the whistle is just moments away!
I march back into the bathroom to begin doing my makeup and getting my "church" face on and Jeff looks at me sweetly and says, "Honey, can I do anything to help you this morning?" Okay, I know that should have disarmed me...but well, I'll just be honest...it just about set me over the edge! (I know guys...you don't understand ANY of this, do you? I may as well be speaking Portuguese!) I did at least have the frame of mind to say to him, "Look, today is not my day, you might find it helpful to just not speak to me for a while." Remarkably, he did just that...he quietly left the room.
Finally, I managed to get my big behind ready and emerged from our room ready to leave. Jeff and I get into the car to head to church (Doran got out of the house pretty quick when he saw my mood!) and I decide to check my Facebook on my phone. Phone is dead...like graveyard dead! So I sigh and plug it in...thinking it will come up so I can atleast use it attached to the charger. We get almost to the church before it even charges enough to turn on! Uggggh!!!!
So we arrive at the church and I am at boiling point. But we are at church...that means I need to get control of the situation or else innocent bystanders could be harmed! As I walked in the door, I prayed that God would help me not bite someones head off today. That was it...just a simple, quick, silly prayer. But God heard it. Just like He's heard all my other prayers. It wasn't worded eloquently, nor was it spoken in a church voice. It was muttered under my breath through gritted teeth. He still heard it and answered. Praise team warm up began and so did a warm up in my soul. By the end of our pre-service prayer I could feel a change in my spirit and our service was amazing! He began to change my mood and then the most amazing thing happened...PEACE followed almost immediately by JOY! He had turned my sorrow (frustration, ranting, grumbling, whining, etc.) into dancing! That's what His Word says He will do! You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, Psalms 30:11 (NIV)
So, why did I share all this? It occurred to me right after the joy came that many of you may have had the same kinda morning I did. Maybe your's was worse. Some of my frustration was self inflicted and some was from others...but God let me trade it all in and in return He gave me joy. We can't beat God's currency system...He always give us something that far outweighs whatever we've brought to HIm. Bring Him your frustration, your sorrow, your wailing...let Him turn it to dancing, uncontrollable laughter, unspeakable joy!
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