I don't really know where to start this note...my mind is racing in a hundred million different directions. I find myself experiencing so many different emotions that I fear that mear human words will not truly convey what is on my heart. This past week has been a crazy torrent of trials and victories and obstacles...I feel like I'm on a white water raft! It all started with Jeff having his 4th chemo treatment last Monday. He was originally scheduled for the treatment a week earlier but due to a low platelet count, had to wait a week. Since the place where I have my annual mammogram done is one floor below his chemo bay, I decided to be a good girl and book my scan to be done during his treatment. The scan took only a few minutes and I met him in the bay to finish out his 3 hour treatment. Tuesday, came and things appeared to be going smashingly...he went back for his post chemo shot that makes him feel awful...but we were still able to go to Abbi's Christmas band concert and enjoy that. Wednesday, we headed in for our daily radiation appointment and met with the nutritionist. She noted that he had begun to loose weight and gave us some tips for the sore throat that he was beginning to notice. And everything from that moment to this has been a blur...
Almost immediately after leaving the radiation office, Jeff began to have trouble swallowing. Actually, he was having trouble before but I wasn't aware of it. By Wednesday evening, he was feeling awful but insisted on going to church and preaching. Thursday, things only grew worse. His ability to swallow even liquids was not great and coupled with nausea...well, he quickly grew weak. On our way to the radiation appointment, my phone rang and it was a number I didn't recognize. I answered, only to find that it was the mammogram folks wanting me to come back in for a second scan and a possible ultrasound...are you kidding me???? Fear struck my heart...how would I ever break the news to my kids if this turned out bad? I made an appointment for the next day and we continued on in silence. Jeff was obviously worried about me...I was worried about him...we were both worried about our kids. Friday morning came and Jeff was so weak, I knew he'd never make it into the radiation office...there's no way I could ask him to stay for my appointment, too. Radiation didn't take long, but then they wanted to re-scan him...we are halfway through his radiation and they want to see if the treatment area can be diminished. The worst part about these scans is I can't go back with him...I just have to sit and wait. So wait, I did. Thirty minutes later, he emerged with encouraging news...the larger tumor had shrunk by an additional 10%...the 2 smaller tumors are down by 50%. Woo Hoo! And it looked like I still had time to get him home and come back for my re-scan...something he didn't want me to do but was too weak to fight me on.
Once I had him safely tucked in bed, I returned to get my scan. Now if the first scan wasn't uncomfortable enough, they amped up the second one just for me! I just kept telling myself...they have to be thorough...you WANT them to be thorough, Libby! The tech finished the scan and told me to stay put while she & the Dr. reviewed the results...in case they needed that ultrasound. She returned a few minutes later with a smile and a, "You're free to go, all done!". Another Woo Hoo! I returned home to tell Jeff...and found him weaker still. He had a wedding rehearsal to do on Friday evening and a wedding on Saturday. With each passing moment his strength just seemed to float out of his body. He wasn't eating and was barely drinking. He made it through the rehearsal and we prayed for a better Saturday. Saturday came, but his strength did not return. He did manage to do the wedding but had to leave immediately afterward to go rest. We began to pray that his strength would return for Sunday services. He had 2 baby dedications planned for the a.m. service so that meant families would be there waiting. There was NO WAY I would be able to talk him into sitting this one out. So I got him ready and drove a very weak husband to church. He not only did the baby dedications but managed to preach an awesome message, even if he did have to do it from a stool. I sat in my seat on the front row and thought how blessed I am to call him my husband. He gives everything he has to serve the Lord...not for personal gain, but because that is what he is called to do.
As we reported for his daily radiation treatment this morning, my big strapping husband was as weak as I've ever seen him. He was downcast and his spirits were low. Wondering if he should even continue treatment, he voiced his concerns to me. He stepped on the scales and we found that he had dropped 15 lbs in the last week...no wonder he is drained and weak. A few hours later and he had recieved some IV fluids and a pain medication to help him swallow more easily. And the sweetest thing happened as we shared our concerns with our Radiation Oncologist...he put his hand on Jeff's shoulder, bowed his head and began to pray over him. It wasn't an elaborate prayer, just a simple plea for God to help him through this most difficult time of his treatment. I'm happy to report that he has eaten 2 (small) meals today. He is stronger and appears to be beginning to come out of it. He has about 14 radiation treatments left and 2 chemo treatments. We are continuing to pray for a total healing and to thank God for every blessing.
I don't understand the majority of what is happening to us, but I do understand that we serve a God who is complete control. I trust Him to meet our needs. I ask that when you think of us, pray for him. Pray for God to heal him completely. I know that many of you already do that and we are so grateful. Pray for our testimony to be one that points people to Jesus. As we go into this season that celebrates the birth of Christ, let us not become so focused on our on fraility that we forget to point others to Him! To God Be The Glory!
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